


kindred spirits

by painintheassnojutsu



Category: Naruto
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Dimension-hopping Significant Others, Fix-It, Gen, Minor Identity Crises, Name Changes, Non-binary character, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Panic Attacks, SI/OC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-06-09 17:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15272736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/painintheassnojutsu/pseuds/painintheassnojutsu
Summary: The first thing I think when I wake up is,goddamn drunk shitwad, smashing his car into a couple of teenagers.Then, I think,wait, aren't I supposed to be dead?Or: the one where two people are sent to the Narutoverse after they die to fuck shit up instead of just one.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, we keep posting things, and that's apparently not good, but whatever. We've totally got this. In any case, welcome to: extremely self-indulgent SI/OC fic. Jun's POV and dialogue written almost entirely by falterth, Yoko's POV and dialogue written almost entirely by lesbiankankuro. Tags and rating will definitely change as the fic goes on, not for sex but for violence. Characters will be added; so will relationships.
> 
> Heads-up: this fic fucking crawls. It's slow-paced and extremely self-indulgent; if that's not your cup of tea, we understand. After all, we write this fic for nobody but ourselves.
> 
> Warning for minor identity crises in the beginning, and also for overwhelming adorableness.

[  Nara Jun ]

The first thing I think when I wake up is, _goddamn drunk shitwad, smashing his car into a couple of teenagers._ Then, I think, _wait, aren't I supposed to be dead?_

And then I have an existential crisis because I open my eyes and find that I’m a small child. Just kidding. I’m weirdly calm as I survey the room, noticing that, wow, I’m in the hospital. What the hell. It’s strange that I’m calm, because the last memory I have is full of pain and screeching tires because the guy probably tried to put the brakes on before he _fucking ran us over._

Asshole.

I shake my head and try not to tempt the crisis. 

The more I think, the more information I am supplied with. God knows where it’s from, but I am still not questioning things. Nope, not at all.

My name is Nara Jun. Wait, no, it’s Theodore Võ.

I am eight years old, and my birthday is on November 22nd.

Nara. I don’t really mean for it to, but the first place my mind goes is the Nara clan from Naruto.

“R.I.P.,” I say out loud, and then cringe because my voice is really small and high-pitched. And because saying that out loud just isn’t the same as texting.

My father is Nara Hirotaka. Well, that’s new. That’s not his name, although these days I avoid thinking about my father as much as I can. My mother is Nara Chiyo. That’s . . . also not my mother’s name. Much like my father, I don’t like to think about her too often. 

I am an academy student in the Hidden Leaf.

Hold the fucking phone, what?

Am I _really_ in the _Narutoverse?_

I force myself to calm down and think.

So I’m supposedly the daughter—and that word feels nasty in my head, and I will _have_ to do something about this—of two people from the Nara clan. I’m Shikamaru’s cousin on his mother’s side.

I frown a little, still in that pesky state of denial, because there’s no way that I’m seriously in the fucking Narutoverse of all things . . . but. _But._ I’ve read enough self-insert fics to at least be paranoid of it happening.

I cringe again. That sounded horrible, but it’s true. 

The crisis decides to show up at this exact moment.

I’m supposed to be _dead._ I’ve always been so afraid of death, afraid of becoming nothing and seeing nothing and hearing nothing and not even ever existing in the first place, because if I’m _dead_ and _gone_ then it never mattered and—

—and I’m alive, apparently, which means that at some point I’m going to have to die again—

—and the door slams open.

I hardly notice this, caught up in thoughts that I stole some little girl’s life while she was just a little girl, that I deprived her of the chance to live with her parents and hopefully be _happy_ and that death is terrifying and I hope she’s not just _gone,_ that she’s in a better place and I’m _sorry_ for taking her life, because this is definitely life, it feels much to real to be a dream—

“Jun!” a voice that I instantly recognize as my father’s cries. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner, there was so much paperwork. You’re awake! Great! We were so worried! Your mother’s coming, she just had to finish setting up the house. How do you feel?”

I take in his appearance as un-weirdly as I can, and some part of me rejoices to see him, calms down at the sight of him. Probably the actual Jun part of me, and okay, I should start thinking of myself as Jun. Because I am Jun, or I’m known as Jun. 

I . . . am getting off-track, I realize. Which is another problem. 

He’s got really, _really_ long brown hair in a tight braid, tied off with a thick black scrunchy. His face kind of reminds me of Shikaku’s, but his features are softer and his eyes are a lighter shade of brown. All in all, he’s pretty good-looking. I don’t know what I look like yet. Hopefully not too bad. And I don’t know what my mom looks like, even though the ghost of an impression keeps trying to grab my attention.

“I’m fine,” I say, only remembering his question just now. “I mean, what—what even happened?”

Hirotaka—dad?—bites his lower lip. “Heart attack. You were out training in the clan grounds—and you just collapsed. We were so worried.” Hirotaka draws closer to my bed, and some part of me, the Jun part, tells me I should hug him. I ignore it because I don’t know this man at all, even if he is supposedly my dad. “But I’m so glad you’re okay now. We didn’t have any of our usual med-nin in the compound, so it was all we could do to rush you to the hospital. When they told me and your mom that you’d had a heart attack . . . I knew that you would be under the care of professionals, that you’d pull through, but some part of me wonders—what if my little girl had died?” 

I’m kind of tearing up at this point, because it’s hard not to sympathise with that kind of love, even if I’ve never been a parent. If I had someone I loved that much, and I thought they were going to die—I’d probably be inconsolable. As it is, I’m already starting to panic because my significant other is—and then, the rest of what my dad said catches up to me.

His little girl.

“I’m not a girl,” I say reflexively, and then I have an _oh shit_ moment where I feel like that was very much the wrong thing to have said.

“Um,” Hirotaka says intelligently. “Really?”

“Really,” I insist, ignoring—and, fuck me, that’s becoming a _habit_ now, ignoring everything that should be common sense—the instinct I have that tells me to stop talking.

Sorry, Jun, wherever you are. I’ve hijacked your life and now I’ve hijacked your gender identity.

That thought makes me want to giggle until I remember that I’ve probably killed some poor little girl and shoved her soul out of her body so that _I_ could inhabit it. But . . . heart attack. I hope she died before this, and then I inwardly flinch, because that is an _awful_ thing to hope for. 

Maybe I should just stop thinking.

“Uh, okay then,” Hirotaka says. I try to think of him as dad again. It makes me feel weird, but I think it’ll get better with time and practice. “Does that mean you’re a boy?”

“No, uh—no,” I say, glad that he’s at least better than _some_ people I know. Knew. “I’m non-binary. I like to go by they/them pronouns.”

“Okay,” Hirotaka says. “Cool.”

I nod awkwardly, not sure how to feel.

Judging from the tears that are slowly making their way down my face, I’d say _happy._

Stupid fucking tears.

The last time I came out as anything, my mom told me that I was being selfish and a burden to the family and that she hoped I’d return to normal soon, among other things. My dad told me that I was a girl and my genes said it and whoever told me that I could be anything else is a fucking liar.

Good times.

“J-Jun? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

But the fact that this man, who I don’t even know but who knows _me,_ this man who it must have been a total surprise for and who had probably been completely blindsided by this, had just accepted it at face value.

I scrub the tears away from my face and resolve to stop crying, like, yesterday. 

Weird. I’ve never been this in-control of my emotions before, and I’ve never really been that analytical either. It must be the Nara in me. Cool. I get to be a lazy genius, hell yeah.

And maybe I should pick up a verbal tic. It seems that almost every Naruto character has one.

“I was scared you wouldn’t accept me,” I say. It’s kind of a lie. Maybe. Well, it certainly isn’t the full story.

“Of course I would accept you! You’re my child. I’ll love you no matter who you are,” my dad says, and I shrug helplessly before starting to cry again, because _where was this love before I came here?_

Before long, my eyes start to feel heavy and Hirotaka says that he’s going to go see if my mom is here yet, if she’s been held up by long lines or whatever. I can’t really bring myself to process his words, because I’m just that tired.

The last thought I remember having before I drift off to sleep is that I’ve been speaking in Japanese this whole time. Oh, well. I trust that the magic dimension-hopping powers that sent me here in the first place gave me the ability to speak it fluently. I’ve always wanted to learn a third language.

[ Inuzuka Yoko ]

The first thing I do upon realizing I'm alive is fall back asleep. It's no surprise, but it probably should be.

I am an Inuzuka, I literally _thrive_ on being awake and energetic. It's in my bones, in my blood, all that shit. Then again. No. Fuck being awake. Inuzuka? What? And why am I thinking in two languages. That's so weird. What the hell.

Anyway. I'm awake for real _now_ , obviously, but whatever. I'm pretty much being smothered by my dog—well, my mom's dog, Akane.

Ugh. Hospitals are awful and gross and disgusting and I _hate—_

Wait.

Who the fuck is Akane, and why am I not freaking out over the fact that there is a _giant dog this close to me oh god I'm going to cry I hate dogs what the f—_

And _why am I so tiny_. I'm like a stick someone broke in half.

And _my_ mom is _not_ this woman, why is my mom wrong? I'm so confused, what the fuck is happening in my brain right now oh god—

Ahem.

In any case. Did I pass out or something? Last thing I remember . . . Hmm, fainted suddenly while sparring with someone? No, no, that _must've_ been a few days ago . . . Was it mom or Kiba? Or maybe I was helping Fumiko train? Or was Hana training me? Fuck, why the hell can't I remember?

God, my memory is shit.

But . . . Even so . . . Who is Fumiko? Why am I thinking about sparring? What the hell am I acting so weird for?

Or . . . I think I was hanging out with my significant other and some shitwad ran over us. Something like that. 

Significant other?

Hm. What even is my . . . Octavia? Snow? Yes. That. Octavia Snow.

_No._ Who? Yoko. I am Inuzuka Yoko. I think.

That sounds—

“Yoko! Open your fucking eyes, I can tell you're awake!”

I grumble unintelligibly and wave the woman away. “Go.”

There's a cackle, and suddenly I'm being smothered by more than just dogs. My mom—Inuzuka Harumi—and my little sister—Inuzuka . . . Fumiko? Yes, Fumiko—are practically strangling me and I feel really uncomfortable and really happy at the same time and I'm so confused what is this.

Deciding not to dwell on it, I snort and shove them away. “Stupid. What even happened?” I'm slurring my words and that is _not normal,_ how long was I asleep? More importantly, why the hell am I speaking . . . I think it's Japanese? Sounds like it. Kind of. Not Korean, probably. Not English, and I don't recognize any other languages enough to tell. So, Japanese.

“You had a damn _heart attack_! The hell, kid, those are for us _old_ people! Not _nine-year-olds_!” Mom complains. “Don't _do_ that shit to us, Yoko! You scared the _shit_ outta Kiba, he almost had a heart attack _with_ you!" 

“Good! Little shit deserves it for being so cocky! A misogynistic _child_ ’s all he is,” I say, crossing my arms.

“Gods help us all when someone gets cocky around you, hm?” Mom smiles. “Now! You wanna eat, or you wanna sleep?”

“Don't make me _choose_ , you _heathen_.”

More cackles from mom, and silence from baby (she's technically almost three, but fuck you, she’s a _baby_ and I am never going to let her forget it) Fumiko, and I finally sit up.

“Well! Good thing I brought some food in then, huh? Don't push yourself too hard, we don't know if you're still suffering side effects of the heart attack. Honestly, you about died! Your heart was stopped for almost two minutes! Stupid kid, making me worry,” mom says, frowning as she shoves a styrofoam box on my lap. 

I raise an eyebrow, shifting the box and putting it on the nightstand. I think I have an idea of what’s going on now. “I feel fine. You sure you're not exaggerating? _Surely_ I couldn't have . . . Died and come back to life. That's just silly.” I'm not sure how convincing my tone is, but mom rolls her eyes and Fumiko crosses her arms.

“You’re _stupid_ ,” Fumiko says. “I'm gonna go to dad. Don't die again.”

I roll my eyes and wave at her as she exits the room, my mom leaving with her. “Don't die again,” she says, obviously trying to be dramatic and failing.

Inuzuka are so dramatic.

[ Nara Jun ]

“Yeah, but they’re boring.”

“Shikamaru, all we wanted is for you to visit them! You two used to be such good friends!”

“They’re so old though.” That is probably Shikamaru. 

“The difference is one year. One year.” And that would be Hirotaka.

And then I frown because I’m suddenly reminded, totally and completely randomly, that some drunk dickbag ran over me and my significant other and that she’s probably dead. I hate life so much right now, and that probably sounded like a joke but it really, really wasn’t.

I crack an eye open, and then another. “Shikamaru?” I ask.

“Jun,” he says in response.

Which pretty much completely absolutely confirms the fact that I’ve been catapulted into the Naruto world.

“I’m bored,” I say, because I really am. I then turn to the med-nin in the corner of the room. “When can I get out of here?” 

“Your father is signing your release forms right now,” the med-nin says, and sighs. “You shouldn’t leave until the papers are finished, but. Well. This is a shinobi hospital, isn’t it?”

I understand exactly what she’s talking about, so I immediately stand up and walk out the door, throwing a wave over my shoulder and ignoring the offended spluttering that’s undoubtedly coming from Shikamaru.

“ _Jun,_ you can’t just _leave me here—”_

 “—watch me,” I interrupt, sliding the door behind me with a little more force than is necessary.

I think Shikamaru’s already beginning to annoy me, and that just highlights the fact that I’m horrible with small children. Except my little cousins. I will love them forever. Unless they don’t exist anymore because I’m here, which is a thought that I am absolutely unwilling to entertain.

In any case, I step outside, and . . .

I realize that I don’t have even the slightest notion of the layout of this hospital. Then I realize that there are helpful signs that point me in the direction of the stairs. I start to walk, and good _god_ why is this tiny little body so short and also why do I have muscles?

Muscles. At eight years old, this body has more muscles than I did when I was seventeen. Am seventeen.

Ugh.

I’ve already accepted that I’ve been dropped into the Naruto universe, but it’s hard to actually accept that I am not me anymore. I’m short. I hate being short. Not that I was tall before, but I wasn’t _short._

At least I’m stronger than I used to be. But I’m _a kid._

Ugh.

I need to stop saying ugh.

Ugh.

I think this is going to be my verbal tic. I’m already saying it way more than I would otherwise, but I guess that this kind of situation warrants it. I mean, I literally died and was brought to life again. I literally fucking died. I think I deserve to be disgusted with some things.

“You had a damn _heart attack!”_

I stop suddenly, in front of one of the hospital rooms. Does someone know I’m walking past? That doesn’t sound like the voice of anyone I know.

The person—a woman, I’m assuming—continues to talk, and I deduce that she isn’t addressing me. 

Did I really just think that? God, my Nara must be coming through _already._

Ugh.

Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just different. And also, I kind of sound like one of those online assholes that would have said something exactly like that. “Deduce that she isn’t addressing me.” Yikes. I frown, and go back to listening to—eavesdropping on—their conversation. 

“ . . . outta Kiba, he almost had a heart attack _with_ you!”

I’m going to make an educated guess and say that whoever had a heart attack is an Inuzuka.

Huh.

But I don’t know anything about the age of the person who had a heart attack, so I listen silently and hope that I can pick up some more details.

“Stupid kid, making me worry.”

Unless whatever Inuzuka is speaking is weird and calls adults kids, I’m going to assume that this is actually a kid, which would be weird because I literally just had a heart attack a day ago. 

And on that note, I need to stop saying literally. Whatever.

I lean on the wall outside the room because, fuck, I’m _definitely_ going in there in a little while, after whoever is visiting this person gets the hell out.

After not too long, some Inuzuka-looking woman walks out of the room, accompanied by the cutest kid I’ve ever seen in my life. Just kidding. Nobody will ever be as cute as my little cousins. _Nobody._

“Don’t die again,” she says gravely—dramatically? I’m not really sure what she’s trying for, but I don’t think it works. In any case, I wait until they’re out of sight and then slide the door to the room open. I move forward a little too quickly, though, and my foot catches the door as I’m still fucking opening it and I go flat on my face in front of a total stranger.

“Shit fuck goddamn,” I mutter, and for some reason it’s in English this time. Oh, well. Swearing, for me, has always been easier in English than in any other language. “I fucking hate everything, especially doors.”

[ Inuzuka Yoko ]

I stare at this child—who is _swearing up a storm_ , in _English,_ what the _fuck_ —blankly for a good minute, and when I finally react, it's with laughter and an English response, “Well, _okay then_! And who the fuck are you?”

“Uh. Well. Nara Jun, probably,” the kid says. “Also, how the _hell_ do you speak English.”

It isn’t a question.

I nod, feeling like I’m patronizing this kid, kind of but also not really just, you know, and say, “Oh, of course you are. I'm Inuzuka Yoko, _maybe_. And how do _you_ speak English? Like, the fuck dude.”

“I dunno,” the kid—Jun—says, getting up and dusting themself off, which is kind of unnecessary. There isn’t any dirt on the floor. “Maybe it’s ‘cause some drunk fucking asshole ran me over with his _shit fucking goddamn_ car and I didn’t die! What a miracle!"

I raise an eyebrow. “The fuck, dude. Same.”

“Octavia?”

“Yes.”

“What in the fresh hell is this,” Jun says, making it sound _again_ like not a sentence, coming over to sit down on my bed. “This is weird.”

“Agreed. Why the fuck am I an Inuzuka." 

“Not sure, but it fits for you. Somehow. We need to find out where in the timeline we are, also, I want to use chakra, like, yesterday,” Jun says.

“Me fucking too. And you're a Nara! I love the Naras!”

“Yeah . . . so I am. And I know. Wanna make a break for it? I kind of already abandoned Shikamaru, which—wait—of course. I know where we are in the timeline. And you do too, apparently? Or—”

“Dude. _Dude_. Kiba’s my little cousin. He's like a year younger. We’re _older_ than rookie nine! Hey, d’you know your birthday? How old are you?”

“ . . . Eight. November 22nd. Oh, god. Don’t tell me you’re—”

“—older than you! April 5th! Fucking nine whole years old! Goddamn!” I grin, practically bouncing in my seat. “Yes! Finally! I'm finally older than someone! And it's you, _goddamn_!”

“Shit fuck—you know what, I’m not even going to say it. This is weird. My significant other is a little kid. Oh my god. I hate everything. I hate the fact that you are older than me,” Jun says.

“My significant other is a _littler_ kid, how awful is that. Gross, can we time skip like the anime does?” I ask, making a face.

“I don’t . . . think it works like that. I mean, I _wish,_ but like. No. I can’t believe we’re little kids. No romantic stuff for like, years! Shit fucking shitty _fucking age._ Anyway, our first order of business should be finding Naruto and—oh god the kids are young did the massacre happen recently? Do we need to find Sasuke and force him into therapy? I mean, I love Sasuke, but I don’t think I could handle living with the kid. That sounded mean. Fuck,” Jun says, all in one breath. They look—okay, really, stressed is an _understatement._  

“Do they even _have_ therapy here? And I wouldn't want to live with him either. He's so . . . Like. Maybe eventually when he's less . . . Annoying.” I frown. “I wouldn't want to live with Naruto or Sakura either. Definitely not Kiba. Shino maybe? Hmm. Anyway, is that Nara blood of yours working already? Get some ideas in that brain, Teddy. I'm shit at ideas, remember?” I say as dramatically as physically possible. Which is not very.

“I wouldn’t say _shit_ at ideas. You actually come up with great ideas! What you’re shit at is carrying them out,” Jun says, smacking my arm playfully. Or, about as playfully as they can get, which means that they smack my arm kind of hard. “Oh,” they say, apparently noticing the bright red mark they’ve left on my arm. “Uh . . . sorry.”

I laugh, more like a cackle because _reasons_ , and shake my head. “Stupid. Doesn't hurt.” 

“I’m a _Nara!_ You can’t call me stupid. Also, I was hoping that you know the layout of Konoha better than me because as soon as I step out of the hospital I’m going to be lost as fuck,” Jun says. “Also, break out of the hospital? Now? Please? Let’s pull a Kakashi.”

“Let's pull a Kakashi! Yes! And obviously I know the layout, I'm a better Naruto fan than you are! Kidding. Anyway. Let's steal their stuff and break out!” 

“Steal what stuff,” Jun says flatly, looking around the barren room. “The furniture?”

I look around the room and spy a bathroom. “Towels! Soap!”

“Yes,” Jun says, eyes gleaming. “I _love_ toiletries. Anyway, yeah, let’s get out of here _please_ I wanna go meditate and hopefully use chakra. Like, really hopefully. I _NEED_ to use chakra. Right now.”

“Oh same,” I agree. “Let's go steal some shit and learn how to chakra!”

Jun snorts, and hops off the bed, trotting into the bathroom. “I found a bag! I’m currently shoving all the soap I see into it. And also I got another bag for towels. Oh, wait, these towels are tiny, nevermind. Just one bag. And also I forgot what my room number is so we can’t go there and steal stuff, but there might be a free snack bar here we can get some food from. And if it’s not free . . . well, we’re stealing this stuff. Makes no difference to me."

I nod seriously and run into the bathroom to grab towels. “One of us can hold these bags while the other steals the snacks, and then we jump out a window. Apparently, I already know how to tree walk, which means I know how to chakra, mom taught me a few weeks ago because I'm a clan kid and privileges haha, but um. Yeah. Anyway.” 

“What _floor_ are we on?” Jun asks, horrified. “I don’t know if I can use chakra yet! Maybe I should try right now.”

Jun plops themself right down onto the floor of the bathroom and closes their eyes.

I shrug and let them do their thing.

[ Nara Jun ]

It’s really weird that I’m a little kid. It’s even weirder that my _significant other_ is a child.

Ugh.

Anyway, I should stop thinking that, because I’m trying to meditate or whatever bullshit those shinobi always did, and I’m trying to call up chakra or whatever but it’s _hard_ because before I died, I was a _lowly mortal,_ and lowly mortals like me and literally everyone else on earth cannot use chakra.

In any case, I try.

I must spend about five minutes—maybe fifteen, maybe twenty, but I think it’s a pretty short while—sitting on the floor, relaxing and relaxing and _relaxing_ until I’m stressed out about relaxing enough that I throw my hands up, frustrated to hell and back.

“I can’t _do—_ oh.”

There’s this weird feeling, like my mind is doing something but _different,_ like my body is doing something but _different,_ and that must be chakra because suddenly some part of me can _sense_ Yoko standing up beside me. It feels weird, like pressure that I can control, maybe like water or something lighter, more malleable and more compressible, flowing around in my body. It feels a little heavy, but a little light at the same time. Almost . . . intangible?

It’s _wonderful._

Is this chakra? It must be.

I can’t help but laugh delightedly. I have _chakra._ It’s like I have super-powers—every time in my old life that I’d ever wished to be something more, that I’d ever wished to have some kind of power or wished to have chakra—it came _true._

I’m an honest-to-god academy student learning how to become a _ninja._

“Dude, this is so cool,” I say excitedly.

Yoko’s chakra feels nice, but heavy. And there’s some part of it that makes me feel complete, like another half to mine. I know that sounds stupid and mushy and romantic, but fuck you, I _am_ stupid and romantic and mushy. And then I actually look at her and remember she’s an actual child and I grimace.

Yoko raises an eyebrow for the millionth time today. “Is it? My chakra feels like a _bruise_ all over my body. Or a full body muscle strain. It's awful.”

“Can you feel mine?” I ask, curious, because I can _definitely_ feel the intricacies of her chakra, and that means I might be a sensor. “Like, I can feel that your chakra is really heavy, and—earth affinity? I mean, it kind of feels like it, and I think I have a water affinity—and there’s something else to it, like another half of my chakra which is really, _really_ weird but, uh, yeah. But hey, there’s chakra testing paper in this universe. We could go find out for sure.”

I wince a second later, realizing that I’m kind of word vomiting all over the place.

“Kind of. I can tell where you are, but I can't really, like, tell anything about your chakra? It feels really light, though, so it's kinda hard to tell it's _you_ instead of—of like, a tree. Or something. It's kind of . . . I don't know. Anyway! Let's go steal paper!” Yoko shouts, raising a fist.

“We’re tiny people,” I say, nodding my head at the conclusion that I am, in fact, a sensor. “We’re going to get caught if we try to steal chakra paper, which is sold in shinobi stores. And my chakra is like, fucking, all over the place, so any ninja worth their salt would pretty much immediately find me out. But I’m not opposed to trying.”

Two kids wanting to test out their affinities. Completely innocent, yeah?

Yeah.

“Anyway,” I continue, putting in an effort to stop my chakra from leaking all over the place and being rewarded for them when I suddenly can’t sense Yoko beyond a dull sort of prickly feeling, “let’s actually find the exit and then go find Naruto or something? I mean, it’s kind of a no-brainer at this point that we need to look after him. Oh my god, you know what? We should bring our stolen stuff to him.”

“Yes! Let's do that! We'll take care of _all_ the neglected children in _this_ village!”

“What about the other villages?” I ask. “When we grow up we’re going to take care of all the children everywhere. I don’t make the decisions. I just do things.”

“That's so valid.”

“It’s so weird to hear that coming from that body,” I say, and then, “Okay, let’s get out of here for real now, I feel kind of strange being in a bathroom for this long.”

I grab Yoko by the wrist and drag her out of the bathroom, out of the hospital room, and into the hall, following a sign that points to the stairs and marching resolutely down them, forgetting all about that free snack bar. Oh, well. It’s only about five minutes before we exit the hospital and I remember to let go.

“Uh,” I say, “whoops. Sorry about your wrist. And anyway, where do we go now?”

“Stupid. Did you wanna food or steal chakra paper or should we go home or go find Naruto or—what?” Yoko asks.

“I can’t believe you use nouns as verbs. I’m breaking up with you _immediately,_ ” I say seriously, and then, “just kidding. But, uh, food. I’m starving.”

Yoko nods, laughing a little. “Bitch. But yeah, I didn't manage to eat the food my mom brought me. So let's food! I think I managed to—I mean, I think there's some money in my pocket.”

“You . . . think. Okay, whatever.”

That’s actually—

I stuff a hand into my pocket and come up with . . . 300 ryo. Not too bad, I guess, but I have no idea what food costs around here. “I, unlike you, _know_ that I have money.”

Yoko scoffs. “I have money. It’s—” she reaches for her breast pocket and pulls out several folded bills. “2000 ryo!”

“You’re practically a sugar daddy, wow,” I deadpan, and then cringe as the words I just said catch up to me. “Please never mention that again. I never said that.” I start walking immediately, not giving Yoko a chance to respond, before I stop and turn around sheepishly. “What . . . direction . . . ”

Yoko laughs, grabs my hand, and leads me away from the hospital. “I picked the money from my mom's purse. Don't tell. I've got stealth skills here, apparently.”

“I’m telling,” I whisper vengefully. “You’re _ruined._ Nobody will ever trust you again after I blab to whoever the fuck your mom is.” I cross my arms—arm, because Yoko’s holding one of my hands—and smirk at her the best I can with this stupid child face.

“That's okay. A lack of trust won't prevent me from picking pockets, _Jun_. Like I said. _Stealth skills._ Passed over from the past, and also apparently little me _here_ tends to snatch random shit _all the time_. It adds up, y’know?”

“You are such an outlaw. Take us to Ramen Ichiraku!” I say dramatically.

And I actually succeed, unlike Yoko and her family.

Yoko rolls her eyes but leads the way, and after a short walk, during which I somehow remember most of the layout of the village, we arrive at the stand.

“Hello!” Yoko grins, pulling me over toward the seats.

“Hello!” an old man says, and my face breaks into a smile when I see him.

It’s old man Teuchi. One of the only people who was nice to Naruto, one of the only people who never turned him away or overcharged him for things, and I can’t help but feel grateful to him for that.

“Jun!” Teuchi says, after he turns to me. “Nice to see you here again! I heard from your father that you had some troubles. Are you feeling better now? How are you doing? You’re such a good kid, it’s a shame that you had to go through hard times.”

“Yes, Teuchi-san,” I say, and try hard not to think about the fact that he said I’m a good kid, and also that I broke out of the hospital and Yoko is carrying a bag of stolen goods. “One bowl of miso ramen, please,” I say, and the order comes naturally like I’ve said it a thousand times.

“The usual, then,” Teuchi chuckles. So apparently I _have_ ordered it a lot, even though I’ve only eaten ramen a few times in my life before. My old life. I don’t think instant ramen counts, but if it does, then I’ve actually eaten it a _lot._

Yoko hums, in a dramatic way like with everything she does, and turns to Teuchi. “I would like tonkotsu ramen with boiled eggs, please! Two bowls! Oh, and narutomaki.”

“Two bowls?” I say. “You monster.”

Yoko sticks her tongue out, like a  _child_ or something.

“Coming right up,” Teuchi says, and he disappears into the back of the little stall. “Ayame!” he calls out, and then repeats our order for her to hear.

I smile. “I can’t believe we’re already going on dates. How scandalous. Next thing you know I’m gonna be pregnant with, like, five kids and you’re gonna be working your ass off to support me."

Yoko cringes. “Oh, god, you poor thing. That would be so painful. And oh my _god,_ the headaches I would have by _working_.”

“Because you’re a total stranger to work, right,” I say, “and you’ve never _ever_ taken care of children. Right.”

“Right, of course.”

We lose ourselves in other small talk, such as, what else are we gonna steal besides chakra paper, and, how fast can we get Naruto out of the shitty apartment he calls home, and, can I actually strangle the Hokage with my bare hands, and, what the fuck kind of shinobi are we gonna be?

“Well,” I say, at one point, “I would feel immensely uncomfortable attending kunoichi classes, so I’m gonna . . . leave that to you. Other than that, I’m not big on any kind of fighting, so I’d probably want to be a kind of hit-and-run assassin.”

I frown, then, because that means I’ll have to kill people, but that won’t come for another few years, so I shake my head and try to get rid of that thought.

“Of course, I'll protect you from poisonous flowers and bad fashion,” Yoko promises.

“Oh, thank _god,_ ” I say, putting a hand over my heart. “What would I _ever_ do without you?”

“I really wanna just, hit people? And stab them?” Yoko says, completely changing the topic. “But also fūinjutsu. Fuck.”

“You know, that would be really badass. You would totally be awesome with seals,” I say, realizing that we’ve switched to Japanese and have been speaking it for a while. Cool. The universe is personally making sure that I don’t look like a fool in front of people, which is awesome.

“I wish I could keyboard smash in real life, because you're adorable,” Yoko sighs.

“That feels really weird coming from a tiny child like you, but you know what? I’ll take it. I _am_ adorable,” I say, trying hard not to preen.

Yoko grins. “You haven't even looked in a mirror yet, have you? You're the cutest child _ever_.”

“That’s what I thought,” I say smugly, and then, “But you’re pretty adorable, too. You kind of remind me of this one kid I saw at an amusement park once. Why do I still remember her? Maybe because she was so phenomenally adorable. I wanted to squish her cheeks.”

“You're a Nara, dumbass. And _obviously_ I'm adorable, did you ever doubt it?”

“You can’t call a Nara a dumbass!” I protest.

“Order up!”

My attention immediately snaps to Teuchi and Ayame—Teuchi’s carrying two bowls, and he sets those down in front of Yoko. Ayame is carrying my bowl, and she sets it down at my place and hands me a pair of chopsticks. “Here you go, sweetheart,” she says, and I feel my face heat up in a pleased flush.

Compliments are awesome. I should get them more.

“Thank you!” Yoko and I chorus.

I break my chopsticks and devour my food. I don’t think even actual vacuums work as fast as this. My bowl is gone in about five minutes, and then my stomach hurts because I ate so fast.

“Ugh,” I groan, pushing my bowl away from me in satisfied disgust, and side-eye Yoko, who is steadily and surely making her way through her first bowl. “I’m such a fool. I hate everything. I hate eating. I’m going back to the hospital and putting myself on an IV drip. Fuck.”

Yoko cackles, which is kind of hilarious. “Food is good! Don't rush through it next time, silly! You gotta _appreciate_ the ramen. Ramen is the food of the gods—that I don't believe in, by the way. Even better when you can't taste it over the taste of cheese.”

“You’re such a Naruto,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“And what’s _that_ supposed to mean?” A loud voice says.

Oh, fuck me sideways. That’s _Naruto._

I turn around in my seat. Naruto stands there at the end of the stall, hands on his hips. Something makes me want to smile. He’s so cute. _He’s so cute._

“Nothing!” I say, and try to not look like an asshole. “You’re just—always obsessing over ramen! It’s a good thing, really,” I add when Yoko kicks me in the shin.

That hurt like a motherfucker, by the way. I glare at Yoko, giving her my best _I will destroy your entire world_ look.

“Ramen’s really fucking good, and I know how amazing it is and they don't, so that's why I'm a Naruto, and being a Naruto is a good thing in my opinion,” Yoko claims before stuffing her mouth full of ramen.

“That it is,” I say wisely, nodding as sagely as I can. I hope I’m being a good Nara right now. Except for the misogyny part. That part is nasty. I want to beat the shit out of that part with a giant club, except that’s actually more of Yoko’s kind of thing.

Naruto looks at me, and then at Yoko. “You’re—not kidding, right? Being me is bad. You can’t be me, or people will treat you bad.”

My heart hurts.

_This poor boy,_ I think.

“CanIhugyou,” I blurt, before I realize what I’ve said. My face turns red. God damnit. I had _just_ stopped blushing.

“Uh,” Naruto says carefully, bright blue eyes looking at me like I’m going to pull some prank on him. I can’t help but feel sad, because it seems like he thinks _everyone_ is out to get him, and that’s just _not true._ Or, at least, it’s not true anymore. Now that Yoko and I are here, we can actually make sure the boy gets some friends.

“Nevermind,” I say quickly. “You probably wouldn’t want to anyway.”

Naruto looks at me with those big blue puppy eyes. “Were you really gonna hug me?” he asks, and my heart turns to liquid inside of my chest, which sounds gross but is really just another way of saying my heart melts.

God damnit, Nara genes. Stop making me complicate things! 

“I do want to,” I admit, and then, “do you?”

Yoko snorts _again_ , and says, “I’m gonna beat the fucking _shit_ outta everyone who hurts you or your feelings, alright? Now get over here and hug Jun! And then you can have my other bowl of ramen!”

Naruto perks up instantly, and then takes a cautious step toward me. I roll my eyes, which is beginning to become a habit, and hold my arms out, smiling at him. It’s hard _not_ to smile, really, when faced with cuteness of this caliber.

Naruto quickly dashes toward me and wraps his arms around me. I’m surprised at how warm he is, and then I remember, right, jinchūriki, he’s probably gonna be pretty warm if all that extra chakra has anything to say about it. In any case, I tighten my arms around him and enjoy the hug.

Because physical contact is great.

It turns a little awkward when we hit ten seconds, and after twenty-five I have to pull myself away because Naruto is standing and I am sitting, and the only proper position for prolonged physical affection is lying down, and also, Yoko is laughing at us and while her laugh is great, I very much resent it.

She is going to call me a big softie.

I am a big softie, but I won’t admit this to her.

She knows I know I’m a big softie and that I won’t admit it.

I know she knows I know I’m—

And on and on, etc.

“Okay, Naruto,” I say, sending Yoko the second death-glare of the day, “go eat your ramen. And order any ramen you want. Yoko is going to pay for it! Unless you exceed a couple thousand ryo, in which case we _don’t_ have that much money.”

“Free ramen!” Naruto cheers, and waves Teuchi over to excitedly point at things on the menu and make his orders.

I smile, resting my head on my hand, and ignore Yoko’s offended huffing.

[ Inuzuka Yoko ]

“Hey, Naruto,” I say, after he’s finished his tenth bowl of ramen. And really, fuck Jun, for spending all the money I’d stolen. “Wanna help us be thieves?”

Naruto chokes on air. “Thieves?! What? Why?”

I smile innocently, which I very much manage to pull off. I am 100% successful in my endeavor. I swear. “Why not? Just chakra paper. And maybe—” Jun stomps on my foot, “—no, no, don't need to steal anything else. _Anyway_ , wanna help?”

“Stealing isn’t good!” Naruto says, and by says I mean shouts.

“Says you. Stealing is fine. Nothing wrong with it. It's nothing compared to the murderers we will one day be,” I tell him in the most dramatic tone I have used _literally_ ever.

Naruto flinches as if struck.

Jun kicks me, hard. “Don’t _say_ that,” they hiss.

I roll my eyes. “I'm kidding, Naruto. But it's literally nothing compared to some missions you'll get one day. You could be told to retrieve the, uh, most important artifact in a really strong village. As in steal. The most important thing. Ever. In comparison, chakra paper is nothing. Especially 'cause we're kids. Also, stealing isn't bad if the people you're stealing from are rich.”

Naruto still looks wary.

I sigh. “You can just keep watch if that's what you want?”

“And,” Jun says, as if to motivate him, “you can find out what your chakra affinity is! Wouldn’t that be cool? That means you know what kind of jutsus to learn!”

Naruto brightens up at that. “Yeah! Let’s do it! I wanna learn lots of cool jutsu, y’know!”

“Okay,” Jun says, and that’s their _finality_ tone, oh no. “Let’s go steal some shit. Oh, wait, fuck, Yoko, pay for the ramen. And _then_ let’s go steal some shit.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe! you thought we were going to just leave this at chapter one and keep on posting new, unfinished fics? gotcha
> 
> WARNINGS: Panic attack. Starts with "Midnight finds me sitting upright . . . " and ends with, "I'm about to try to just sleep it off . . ."

[ Nara Jun ]

“Why is the owner of the shinobi supply store a civilian?” I ask, peering through the window. “That’s so stupid.”

Naruto crosses his arms and grunts loudly. “Yeah! That’s why I can’t go in there, y’know!”

I firmly clamp down on the anger that wants to make itself known in the form of some good old-fashioned _shouting._ Naruto was supposed to be a _hero._ He was supposed to be looked up for keeping everyone safe, and beyond that, I’m angry that nobody fucking trusts that Minato sealed Kurama properly. They claim he’s a big hero, that he kept everyone safe from the Kyuubi, and then they turn around and say the very person he used his sealing technique on is _actually_ the demon?

Fucking Naruto world civilians.

I shake my head and brush my stupid fucking hair out of the way. I really need to put it up in a ponytail. I’ll be a _true_ Nara then. But until now, I guess I can hang on to the parts of the old me that refused to put their hair up unless it was over ninety Fahrenheit out.

In any case, it’s time I put my plan into action.

“Basically, Naruto, you march in there being really loud and stuff and threatening to play pranks, and Yoko and I will get through the back door. This . . . is not going to be a stealthy mission. But as long as you’re not seen actually breaking any laws, Naruto, we won’t get in trouble. Because the owner’s a civilian,” I say without pausing. Okay, well, maybe I paused _once_ to catch my breath. “Sound good?” 

“I’m gonna be an _awesome_ shinobi soon,” Naruto breathes. “Hell yeah!”

Yoko grins, wrapping an arm around Naruto's shoulder. “Of course you will. Oh, hey! You're shorter than me! That's so cool!”

Naruto looks at her suspiciously. “Are you _sure_? You better not be lying to me, y’know!”

“She’s not lying,” I say. “She’s never ever been taller than anyone. Except you, apparently.” I’ll have to remind Yoko sometime that babies don’t count. _Everyone_ is taller than babies.

“Trust me, kiddo, you'll be the _coolest ninja ever,_ ” Yoko says in a very serious™ tone. “Now let's do the thing!”

“It’s called theft, Yoko,” I say exasperatedly. “You can’t just call everything ‘the thing’ like you used to do in—like you used to do! I never said anything. But the point is _don’t do it!_ ”

Yoko huffs. “Watch me, bitch.”

I roll my eyes and decide to focus on what needs to be focused on. “Naruto, go in there and make a ruckus.”

Naruto, who looks happy to do something, hurries over to the door and throws it open. “Hey, mister!” he crows, charging into the building. “You’re mean, so I’m gonna prank you ‘til kingdom come!"

The door shuts behind him, and I share an amused glance with Yoko.

And then we get to work, quickly running behind the building and . . . getting stuck at the locked door.

“Fuck this,” I say, and channel as much chakra as I can—which, by the way, still feels really really weird and kind of makes me feel like I’m floating—into my hand, hoping I’m doing the right thing, and then I slap the lock as hard as I can. Slap, because I’m not just about to _punch_ a metal device. Anyway, the lock blows open, and the door handle on this side kind of just falls off, and I open the door to see the door handle on the _other_ side has skidded across the room.

I grimace and look at Yoko. “Do you think I’m gonna get in trouble for this? I should have let you pick the lock. Oh, god.”

Yoko grins. “You're totally getting in trouble if we're caught. You should've let me pick the lock.”

I smile sheepishly at her. “Oh well. We’ve done it, so there’s no point in regretting anything! Okay, uh,” I mumble, looking at the shelves in the back of the shop. “There _must_ be a crate of chakra paper here. Like. Who wouldn’t—oh.”

There’s a cardboard box labeled _chakra paper_ sitting on one of the shelves. Bingo.

I point toward the box and Yoko scampers—scampers? Do Inuzuka scamper? This looks like scampering—off toward it, immediately using a—what the hell, is that a _claw,_ why do the Inuzuka get all the cool stuff—to cut the box open.

“You do that,” I say, “and I’m gonna check on Naruto.”

There’s a convenient counter for me to hide behind, so I do that, and then I peer carefully over the top of it to see the store owner shouting at Naruto.

I just barely stop myself from rushing out. Naruto doesn’t look hurt, judging from the bright smile on his face. Although I can’t attest to its genuineness, he does seem like he’s having a good time knocking over shelves while the store owner chases him down. Naruto can take care of himself fine.

Something taps me on the shoulder and I jump, whirling around.

“Yoko!” I hiss. “You—”

“Come on,” Yoko says, and rolls her eyes. “Let’s get out of here. I have more chakra paper than we know what to do with.”

I nod and send her out the door. I cup my hands over my face and yell, “Let’s go!"

Naruto twitches, the only sign that he hears me, and then he books it out of the store. Good.

Now it’s time for _me_ to get out, before the civilian realizes that Naruto had _help._ Or, rather, that _we_ had help in the form of _Naruto._

[ Nara Jun ]

The walk to the Nara compound is not fun for two reasons:

One, I have no idea how to get there.

Two, I have to ask Yoko—god, it’s weird to call her Yoko, all my instincts want to call her Octavia but it’s like my brain is wired otherwise—how to get there, which means—you guessed it—she teases me about it. 

“Poor sap, not knowing where your own house is. Should’ve studied the maps more!” Yoko says.

“I didn’t _need_ to study maps to know what I was writing,” I hiss at her. I kind of feel like a cat, hissing and being lazy and sleepy and all that. Deer? Pathetic. Cats are where it’s at right now. Maybe I’m being disloyal to my clan. Maybe I don’t care.

Yoko just grins at me knowingly.

“Come on,” I say, rolling my eyes. “You need to show me how to get to my house so that we can get shit done.”

[ Inuzuka Yoko ]

“So that’s the reason this house is so empty,” Jun concludes. “I only remember bits and pieces but I _know_ Chiyo—mom—was absolutely furious.”

Naruto looks fascinated. “Can _you_ do a water wave?”

Jun looks offended. “No! That’s a B-rank technique, and I am an eight-year-old. _No water waves._ And that’s not what we’re here for anyway.”

“Right!” I grin. “We're here to learn our chakra shit! How do we do this again?”

Jun rolls their eyes and holds up a slip of paper. “Channel chakra into it. I’m pretty sure I know what I am, but it doesn’t hurt to see for sure.”

I nod and take the paper, channeling some  chakra to it. It takes a moment to figure out how to get it from my hand into the paper, but I get it.

Suddenly, the paper darkens slightly, its weight multiplies, or feels like it, until it crumbles into nothing but dirt. I cringe at the dusty feeling between my fingers and wipe my hands off. “Gross, but earth chakra. And it got really heavy?”

“Yang release,” Jun says, grabbing a piece of paper for themself. They concentrate, and seemingly nothing happens, until the paper begins to turn clear and their arm lifts weirdly, like they’re trying to keep the thing from floating away. Then, the paper turns into water—it’s kind of anticlimactic. “Okay, yes, I was right—yin—really fucking _strong_ yin release—and water. The Nara pretty much always have yin release, and both my parents—I think—have water.”

“Does that mean we’re two halves of a whole?” I tease with a grin.

“Yes,” Jun says, rolling their eyes.

I  snort. “Knew it. Naruto! Your turn!” I shove a piece of paper into the boy’s hand and tell him how to direct the chakra into the paper.

It takes him a moment longer than Jun or me, but he does get it. His paper does nothing at first, but his arm does drop a few inches—and then it splits neatly into three parts. Two of the thirds drop like stones to the floor. He seems to panic for a moment, the bottom third of the paper nearly slipping from his hand.  “ _Heavy_ ,” he breathes.

“Wind and yang! Awesome,” I tell him. “I think it’s normal for my clan to have more yang than yin, and Jun’s to have more yin than yang, but I wouldn’t know for you.” I put a finger under one of the sheets of paper that fell to the floor, trying to lift it slightly. It feels a lot more like a huge stack of papers than a single piece. Mine was probably half the weight of his. “It might be something else entirely for you, because you just have a lot of chakra overall, and much more yang than yin. Kind of like, I don’t know, someone who trained in nothing but taijutsu all their life."

Jun nods, and Naruto says, “Cool.” That’s it. Just cool. Nothing else. What a brat, making me go through all that explanation and only give a “cool” in resp—

“So are there any special jutsus that I can learn now?” Naruto asks, immediately starting to jabber. “I wanna learn _every_ jutsu that uses yang chakra, and also I wanna learn if anyone like me has it! Like, do I have a clan like you guys? Is that why I have yang chakra?”

I share a glance with Jun.

 _Not now,_ they mouth, and I shrug. I guess it’s probably better to not stuff the kid’s head full of information.

Still sucks, but like, whatever.

“You know what?” Jun says. “You wanna go to the library tomorrow and look for something? There’s a _lot_ you can find there, Naruto. It’d be awesome!”

Naruto looks away. “I—can’t . . . read.”

Oh. Right.

“What? Why not? I thought the orphanages taught kids to read?” I ask, reigning in my anger. I, after all, cannot read very well either. Yoko, whoever she may have been, hadn't had the best of times with reading. So neither do I. Shit, really gotta catch up on that.

Naruto visibly deflates. “I got kicked out.”

“The fuck for?” I ask through clenched teeth. I already know all of this. I _already know all of this_.

He shrugs helplessly.

“Well, where do you live then? Do you live alone?” I know this. Why am I still asking? Am I just _trying_ to piss myself off? Hell knows it's not going to _help anyth_ —

“I live in an apartment alone, yeah. But the old man visits sometimes and brings my allowance, which means I can buy ramen, which is great, so it's fine!”

I purse my lips.

“You and Jun are sleeping at my house tonight. No arguments. And I am stuffing you both full of food. And Jun is going to attempt to teach us to read while we avoid my family members,” I announce.

It's not like Jun’s family minds, probably, and Naruto doesn't have anyone that even be _able_ to mind, so it's okay.

Naruto frowns. “Avoid your—”

“Let's go!” I interrupt, grabbing their hands and dragging them out of the house.

It takes a while to get back to my house, but we _do_ manage to make it.

I feel really bad for Jun, actually. Who wants to be reincarnated as a Nara? The clan of super geniuses who just so happen to consist mostly of misogynistic men?

And by mostly men, I mean it. Because, for some reason, boys tend to be born more often than anything else in shinobi clans.

Which is kind of stupid, because on Earth the population was fifty-one percent women and forty-nine percent men. Or something like that.

I don't know. I read that online. It's probably wrong.

Anyway, my point is, _geniuses_. People who work mostly for T &I or whatever because they're so good at figuring shit out. Ugh.

I sigh as I enter my house, shoving Naruto and Jun in front of me before closing the door.

“Alright, Jun, you gather snacks!” I clap, pointing to the kitchen. Jun agrees and heads over. I nod and look around the room.

“Naruto will grab blankets and pillows, I'll get some random books we can try to learn from. My room is right over there, the only one downstairs with the door closed,” I instruct, already leading Naruto to the hallway closet. The boy looks confused but grabs as many blankets and pillows as he can carry.

Oh well. Can't save everyone from the insanity of the Inuzuka clan.

I watch him carefully as I walk over to a bookshelf.

Wait, did I just call myself _insane_ —

[ Nara Jun ]

I slap Naruto over the head with a pillow.

“Five points!” I call out, dashing away from him as quickly as I can. I’m not quick enough to avoid the pillow that smashes into my hip. “Fuck! Two points, Naruto!”

Naruto whoops loudly and I use the opening to whap him on the knee—three points—and run away. My downfall is when I stumble over a stray blanket and fall head-first into one of the safety piles strewn around the room.

“EVERYONE ATTACK JUN!” Naruto hollers, rushing toward me with his pillow raises high.

It comes down on me. I roll to the right. Where is Yoko? It comes down again. I roll to the left and realize that I’ve essentially trapped myself like this. Right, left, right, left. I’m getting dizzy.

“Stay still so I can hit you!” Naruto shouts angrily.

“Never!” I say, struggling to fend him off. Right, left—aha! My hand collides with a pillow and I grab it, bringing it up quickly so I can smash it into the side of Naruto’s head. “Five points, you little fucker!”

Naruto stares at me while I get to my feet.

“You said a bad word,” he says solemnly.

“Who cares?” I say, and then, “Behind you!”

Naruto can’t even turn around before he’s smashed on both sides with two pillows. Yoko is fucking double wielding, the cheater! “Elbows are two each! Four points!” Yoko crows victoriously. Naruto is still slightly reeling from the attack, so she takes the chance to hit him in the head twice.

It’s on.

I give my mightiest war cry, which is basically a high-pitched screech because I’m a fucking eight-year-old, and I barrel toward her at speeds that no man has ever achieved before. Good thing I’m not a man.

“I’ll get revenge for you, Naruto! I swear!”

I kind of fail miserably because it turns into a brawl and Yoko is an Inuzuka so of _course_ she’s better than me at taijutsu. So it ends like this:

Yoko fucking knocks me over in, like, five seconds, and then she starts wailing away at me with both her pillows. Naruto, who has sensed a change in the winning side, gangs up with Yoko and before I know it, they’re both mercilessly beating me with their fluffy war hammers.

Or something.

I wonder if I can actually use a water wave. If I could . . .

Well, it’s not happening seeing as I currently can’t even move my arms. Life is great.

“I give up!” I shout, putting my arms over my head protectively.

“A _million_ points!” Naruto shouts, whacking me again. “One million! Two million!”

It’s going to be a long night.

[ Nara Jun ]

Midnight finds me sitting upright in the middle of the mess of pillows and sheets and blankets that is the living room. Yoko’s sleeping. Naruto’s sleeping.

Or so I _think._

I’m not sure what I’d just been dreaming about, but I’m sweating, _hard,_ and my breath is coming out in shallow pants. Am I _really_ here? Have I really left everything I know behind? My old life, my old name, my old friends, my old knowledge—

My 3DS and 3DS games that I’d doubtless spent over half a thousand bucks on?

It shouldn’t be a sore point for me. After all, I fucking _lived._ I died for a moment and I’m alive now and just the fact that I’ve gotten away with my life intact should be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I’m happy. I know I’m happy, now that I have a chance to fix—or semi-fix—the Naruto world like I’d always wanted to do. But everything I’d done, everything I’d worked for, everything I’d bought . . . it’s gone.

All the money I spent on that 3DS, all the thousands of hours I put into it—they don’t matter anymore. It shouldn’t even be _important_ anymore and I’m still here having a fit over it. A _crisis._ Over _money._

I’m stuck in an eight-year-old’s body in a world where the only thing that matters is killing and killing until you’ve lost track of your body count, and I’m hung up over how much money I spent while I was still Theodore. I know I want to be a ninja. I _have_ to be a ninja, if I’m going to ever be able to _change_ anything.

I’ll have to kill people.

_God._

I can’t even watch a lady bash a fish over the head with a wooden block to kill it. When it had happened, I’d wanted to throw up, to go home, to jump back onto that scooter and book it. Being a ninja means killing _people,_ and I can’t even stomach killing fish. I’ll have to do it, though, and look for a place to get therapy, because there’s no way that I’m going to let myself run around and kill people and _not_ talk about it.

I sniffle a little. I’m not going to cry, but it’s tempting. I guess this is the crisis I was talking about yesterday.

I’m about to try to just sleep it off and lie back down and snuggle up to Yoko and Naruto and _forget_ this even happened when someone shifts underneath one of the blankets. I try to stay still. Evidently, it wasn’t going to matter either way, because Naruto sticks his head up from under the covers a few seconds later and turns so that he’s making eye contact with me.

“Jun . . . ?” he asks sleepily. “Are you okay?” 

“Not really,” I admit, figuring that Naruto as a jinchūriki can probably see through it if I lied anyway. “I’m just worried . . . about a lot of things.”

Naruto’s quiet for a moment, and I’m suddenly worried that I shouldn’t have told a little kid like him that I’m worried, but before long his face brightens up. I have to wonder how much of it is real. Naruto doesn’t say anything—maybe he doesn’t know what to say—but I feel like I should break the silence.

“You know something that always makes me feel better?” I ask. Naruto perks up and shakes his head.

“What? What makes you feel better?”

“Hugs,” I say simply, and Naruto’s face lights up.

“A hug? Really? I can do that!” Naruto says enthusiastically. He holds his arms out for a second, and then falters, like he’s not sure if I’m actually going to hug him. Silly Naruto. Of course I am. I _never_ turn down a hug, thank you very much.

I crawl over the blankets and practically throw my arms around him. He hugs back with just as much force.

I love this boy so much, and I haven’t even _really_ known him for more than a day yet.

I’m going to protect him. Him and all the other kids, so that they don’t have to die. It’s a heroic goal, I guess, and there’s so many things wrong with it, but right now the only thought I have is that I always want to see Naruto looking like he did when I hugged him.

[ Inuzuka Yoko ]

Jun wakes me up by kicking me in the arm. Rude. “Come on,” Jun says, practically yelling. “We need to go deal with—with the person we really don’t want to deal with!”

Oh god. I groan into my pillow. “Why can't we shove pinky and loudmouth on him and hope all goes well? I'm too tired for this.”

Jun gives me a hard look. “We are _not_ doing that. We’re just going to bul—bother! I said bother—him into getting therapy. I know therapy isn’t some all-magical cure, but it works. Kind of. It’ll probably go better for him than it went for me. Anyway, Naruto’s already up and I don’t know where he is. So you need to help me find him.”

“Kitchen,” I say immediately. “There's ramen in the kitchen. Go look yourself, I'm tired.”

Jun says nothing, instead giving me another look, and disappears into the kitchen. A moment later, I can hear shouts of, “NARUTO!” and “I just wanted to make breakfast!” and “THAT’S NOT HOW RAMEN WORKS!” out there.

“You’re supposed to—argh! What the heck is this? What kind of weird ramen—oh, I see. Naruto, you’re supposed to . . . remove it from the cup . . . What the _fuck—_ ”

“YOU SAID A BAD WORD—”

Whatever’s going on out there, it sounds hilarious. I’m _so_ glad I’m not involved. I pull my blanket back up to my chin, and close my eyes.

It doesn't take long for me to decide that Jun fucking sucks and I can't fall back asleep.

Fuck these genes, by the way, Inuzuka are so . . . energetic. I only wanna sleep but _no_ , I have to always be awake and never tired even though _I want to sleep_.

Fuck life, I'm getting my mom to buy me sleeping pills.

I roll out of bed, land on the floor, and crawl to the kitchen. Literally. On my hands and knees. For real.

Anyway—

“Naruto, I’m not letting you stay home from school.” I finally reach the kitchen, wherein I see Jun standing there staring Naruto down with their hands on their hips. They’re almost shorter than Naruto, so it’s doubly hilarious. I try not to laugh. For Jun’s sake.

“Why not?” Naruto asks. He's probably asked it a million times by now. I smile.

“Have you ever heard of a Hokage who didn’t finish school?” Jun asks. Ouch. Going straight for the weak point, I see. Their face suddenly does a weird thing. “Actually, don’t answer that question.”

“Why not?” Naruto asks. Again.

“Because I just remembered something about the first two Hokage that pretty much invalidates my argument,” Jun admits.

“What’s invalidate? Does that mean you’re _wrong?_ Haha! Jun is wrong! Jun is stup—”

“NARUTO,” Jun yells. “I love you but if you call me stupid I’m throwing you out of this house!”

Naruto yelps and covers his mouth. “Sorry! No stupid! No more stupid.”

I grin. “School is for losers! School sucks!! I hate school! Fucking homework sucks ass! We should skip!”

Jun gives me a Death Glare™. I’m disappointed to find out that it works doubly well when their face is a Nara face. It's really cute though. “We are _not_ skipping school. You and I need to learn actual ninja stuff, and so does Naruto. How are we gonna survive five seconds out in the field when we can’t even do the basics?”

“Boo! I'm fuckin’ smart I'll figure it out!"

“And no swearing! Naruto is _seven years old._ Why are we even friends!?”

“My nephew cursed when he was five! My cousin’s first word was shit!”

“That’s _awful._ No excuses,” Jun says, and turns to Naruto. “Never repeat anything Yoko says, ever. Okay? Please. Promise me this.”

“Fuck,” Naruto says, probably just because Jun said don't.

Jun looks just about ready to sob. Aw, poor baby. I wanna hug them. “Where did I go wrong? Okay, no time for dramatics. Naruto, eat breakfast—and if you get more ramen out of that cabinet so help me god I’m going to—to something. I don’t know what it is but it’ll be bad. And Yoko, you need to go see what class we’re in. I have a feeling we’re in Lee’s year but you never know with the Naruto world. Maybe there’s a syllabus around here somewhere . . . ”

I ignore them entirely and jump up to smother them in hugs and cheek kisses. “You're so cute, Jun! I love you so much!”

Jun turns bright red and pushes me away, grumbling something about, “damn Inuzuka genes.” They turn around and cross their arms before seeming to make up their mind on something. “Okay. So I can’t cook for shit. We need to find some other instant food besides ramen.”

“I can cook really good!” I chirp. _Chirp_ , what am I, _eight_?

Jun gives me this judgmental sort of look, like they’d heard that chirp and have filed it away in their mind for all of eternity. Suspicious. “Okay, that’s out of the way. Where’s the bathroom? I’m going to see if I can dig up an extra toothbrush for Naruto.”

“Oh, we have lots of toothbrushes, but uh—they’re in the kitchen drawers. Not the bathroom.”

“There are a lot of drawers in this kitchen,” Jun observes.

“Yup.”

“I don’t suppose you know where the toothbrushes are?” Jun asks. In the background, I can see Naruto looking between us back and forth like we’re some kind of ping pong game or something. So cute.

I grin again, jumping forward to hug Jun again. “Nope! My mom gets them out when we need them, so I have no idea!”

Jun rolls their eyes but eventually wraps their arms around me. “Okay. Actually—where _are_ your parents?”

“Oh,” I say, “mom was at the bar with some guy probably, and my sister is, uh. I don't know.”

“Hiro—I mean, my dad, expects me to go to the academy from your house. At least—that’s what he told me. I can probably go home and get some stuff if we need it, but . . . ” Their eyes go to the clock and they blanch. “On second thought, let’s just get ready as quick as we can. Yoko, go look in the fridge and see if there’s anything we can eat for breakfast and/or lunch. Naruto, help me find toothbrushes. And did you shower last night? Because if not, you really need to.”

Naruto pouts at them. “Showers are for losers!”

“Naruto! Bad! Showers are amazing—we even have hot water here! Go take a shower!” I yell. Naruto looks like a kicked puppy. It’s probably all an act to get out of showering, but on the off-chance that I’ve actually hurt his feelings, I soften my voice a bit. “Please?”

Naruto heaves an almighty sigh. “ _Fine._ Only ‘cause Hokages need to be really neat. Nobody wants a stinky Hokage!”

“Exactly,” I say, nodding my head in agreement. “Besides, I have a really good sense of smell, and you're giving me a headache. There are lots of towels and some scentless soap in there, feel free to use whatever. I'll throw some clothes in in a minute.”

“Okay!” Naruto practically tears out of the kitchen and down the short hallway to get to the bathroom. After he’s gone, Jun groans.

“I hate taking care of kids. Naruto’s adorable, but . . . he’s _little,_ ” they complain.

“I have lots of experience with kids his age. Just be glad you don't have to watch him _and_ two babies. Fragile, tiny, _screaming_ babies.”

Jun grimaces. “Yeah . . . I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Except maybe you because you’ve got experience with babies. Anyway, we need to see what we can do about lunch and breakfast and holy _fuck_ your kitchen is understocked. Even I know this! Do you guys eat out all the time or something?”

“I think—” I cut myself off with a grimace to match Jun's. “—they mostly eat raw meat. And occasionally they cook it.”

Jun makes a grossed-out face. “Eugh. I don’t think this me is really into meat. Which sucks. I’m like, meat is awesome! Yay! But my taste buds are like, this sucks.”

“Me neither . . . Meat used to make me sick, and it's not much better now. Apparently little Yoko used to complain about it too. Wild.”

“Are you _sure_ you’re an Inuzuka?” Jun asks jokingly.

“That's what my mom said!” I whine.

Jun huffs out a laugh. “In either case, let’s get started. We’re already late for the academy as it is.”

“How about you take Naruto and I'll pick up some food and possibly be a few minutes late? No more than ten, of course, and we can go buy food tonight.”

“Sounds good. I think I need to be back at my house tonight, though. Gotta get my room all settled in and stuff, and help Chiyo and Hirotaka unpack everything else. I can see about having Naruto over tonight though. He’s unfortunately growing on me."

“Oof. Yuck.”

“Yep,” Jun says, shrugging. “No big deal though. It probably won’t take too long. I’m gonna go see if Naruto’s done in the shower.” Jun takes off at a slow walk down the hall. I wonder if you can even call that taking off. Back in our old lives, they’d been a really fast walker. Now . . . they just look kind of sad. Must be the Nara.

“Oh!” I yelp suddenly. “He needs clothes! In my room, dresser, throw them in!”

“Got it!”

[ Nara Jun ]

“Naruto! Putting on clothes shouldn’t take this long!” I shout, hoping that he can hear me even from behind the door.

Apparently he can. “It’s not _orange_!”

“Too bad!” I yell back. “Now put the clothes on and get out here so we can go to school! Yoko’s gonna get food for all of us on the way. We can sneak off and eat it later, I guess.”

There’s silence for a good minute or so, and I’m about to knock on the door again when it opens and Naruto pokes his head out. I nod encouragingly and he comes the rest of the way out of the room. He’s dressed in a dark blue shirt and matching cargo pants. It’s not a bad look on him. I’ll admit that the orange was cute—possibly even cuter than this—but I know a lot of people who’d be glad to see him out of the jumpsuit.

“Do you have a weapon pouch?” I ask him.

Naruto shakes his head. “I did at first! But then someone stole mine. Don’t worry though! I do just fine!”

Naruto. I’m sorry to break it to you but I don’t think you can do ‘just fine’ without weapons. He’s probably been using ones that the academy loans him, and if my weird hazy memories of academy supplies are right . . . they’re definitely not the best kunai to use. Or shuriken, for that matter, although I don’t seem to have any memories about the academy teaching with the things.

“I have extra at my house,” I tell him. “We can stop there along the way and get some.”

“Really?” Naruto asks.

“Of course. Now stop standing in the doorway and let me into the bathroom. I’ve got shit to do.”

[ Inuzuka Yoko ]

Before I leave the house, I root around in my room for a bit until I find some academy papers. It tells my my classmates are . . . aha. Perfect. Lee, Tenten, and Neji are all on the list. I set the paper down, satisfied by this information, and decide to get out of the house before I decide to lie down and never get up again.

I don’t really know what to buy for them, so I wander around until I see a stir-fry stall that looks kind of good. There’s practically nobody there, so the wait isn’t long, especially because two of the orders don’t have meat in them. I silently apologize to Naruto and Jun for making them eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch, but in reality, I don’t feel very bad at all. It’s quick and cheap.

I walk to the academy without thinking about it too much—muscle memory serves me well. I suspect that if I actively try to remember the route, I’ll mess up and get lost. That’s probably why Jun couldn’t find anything, actually—they always overthink everything. Whatever. They can find their way when they stop overthinking. For now, I’m going to lord the fact that I know how to get around town and _they_ don’t over them, for an indefinite amount of time.

They’re both waiting for me outside the academy gates. I present their boxes of stir-fry to them. Jun cautiously opens theirs, maybe checking it for meat. They seem to find whatever they’re looking for, though, because they make grabby motions at me with one hand. Oh. Right. I fumble around in the plastic bag for a pair of chopsticks and hand it to Jun. Naruto gives me a look and I fish one out of the bag for him too.

We all eat in complete silence.

And then Mizuki walks out and his attention zeroes in on us.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attack. Starts with "'Yoko?' I hear. I realized I've . . . " and ends with, "I don't know if I believe them."

[ Nara Jun ]

I know a few things about Mizuki. Those few things don’t include his last name, but whatever. In my opinion, assholes like him don’t deserve to have their last names remembered.

“What?” I ask him, trying not to glare, because he hasn’t done anything I can glare at him for yet.

“You’re late for class, Jun. Yoko,” he says tiredly. “This isn’t like you two.”

For some reason, I have to resist the urge to twitch when he calls me Jun. I know it’s not my actual name—some part of me will probably always respond to Theodore better—but I’ve gotten as used to it as I can within the span of a few days, and the rest of me responds to Jun because that’s what it’s been doing its whole life (which is really weird to think about). The idea that Jun could be a name I don’t like . . . well, I don’t really want to dwell on that right now. So I don’t.

“Sorry, Mizuki-sensei,” I say, my mouth automatically adding the honorific to his name. “We didn’t get to eat breakfast, so Yoko bought some stuff for us.”

Mizuki, I think, is trying his hardest to look pleasant while also hating Naruto’s guts. I’d laugh if I wasn’t suddenly terrified. “That’s . . . that’s nice. You should have eaten breakfast at home, though. And why are you sharing with him? He’s not in your year. Shouldn’t he be in class?”

“We had a sleepover,” Yoko cuts in, “and we didn't have anything to eat at my house but raw meat, so . . . ”

Mizuki opens his mouth as though he’s going to say something. He closes it again. Opens it. “Oh,” he says, finally. “Let’s get you three to class.”

He leads us into the academy, collects our unfinished food, and throws it away for us. I’m pissed, but I eventually tune out during the walk to Naruto’s classroom—or ours, I'm not sure. We stop in front of a random door and Mizuki opens it, gesturing for Naruto to go on in. Naruto grumbles something about not finishing his meal and _that cost money, Mizuki-sensei!_ all the while. When the door closes, Mizuki turns to us.

“Do you two know about Naruto-kun here? About his circumstances?” Mizuki asks, looking concerned.

Bitch. I look over to Yoko, and sure enough, she looks like she’s ready to bite him so hard he’ll see stars. I kind of want her to do it, but he hasn’t actually done anything to us yet, so. Maybe later.

“About what?” I ask innocently.

“You see, he has a—how can I put this? You’re better off not associating with him. A lot of people don’t like him, you know, and they might transfer some of that dislike over to you.” Mizuki nods at the end of his little speech there, looking satisfied with himself.

“No thanks,” I deadpan, and I’m about to say more when I see Yoko opening her mouth.

“A lot of people already don’t like us, Mizuki,” Yoko says, blinking in a slightly creepy looking way. Somehow. How does she do that? Weird.

“Okay,” Mizuki says, and he’s beginning to look irritated. Good. Yoko and I don’t put up any more resistance as he leads us to our classroom, though, and we enter, both of us looking around for our teacher. _That_ question is answered when he walks in behind us. “Take your seats, you two. I just reassigned everybody yesterday, so you should be fine sitting anywhere.”

 _Mizuki_ is our teacher? I try not to shudder. I will have to put up with his stupid face for _five_ years or so before I’m free of him. Maybe we can get him fired before that, if we bait him enough and he actually rises to it. Or we’ll just get ourselves killed and Mizuki will go missing-nin. Hopefully he’ll underestimate the power of me telling someone to run and get help. Because like _hell_ am I ever walking around alone, anywhere, ever again.

I should feel bad for thinking thoughts like these—after all, in my old life, I’d _never_ be like this. But I guess living in Jun’s body is doing something to my thought processes, because I’m starting to think more and more like a shinobi the longer I’m here, and although I know it’s an advantage, a little piece of me wants to keep what’s left of Theodore. Theodore would never hurt a fly—okay, no, they’d— _I’d—_ definitely hurt a fly, but I’d never hurt another person if they didn’t hurt me first.

Things have to change, I guess.

I scan the classroom and spot Rock Lee. I poke Yoko’s arm and she nods, and we both make a beeline for the two empty seats on either side of him. Yoko and I sit down. The lesson begins.

[ Inuzuka Yoko ]

“Hey,” I say suddenly, “I think it's lunch.”

Jun blinks. “Wherever could you have possibly gotten that idea? A near-empty room where the only people still here are eating? No, this is _definitely_ not lunch.”

I pout. “Mean. Let's go find Naruto and plot—I mean, plan—our next trip to the store,” I say, smiling a smile so full of bullshit innocence that Jun gags. I think Lee is getting tired of hearing us talking to each other over him, so I throw him an apology. “Sorry, Lee. Must’ve been hard to put up with that.”

“Not at all!” he responds, standing up. His posture is immaculate. I’d call him a loser, but I actually really like him. “It was nice to sit next to someone. Please sit with me after lunch!”

My heart turns to mush. How can I say no to him? He’s so cute. Like a baby, but better because he can think for himself. Jun looks similarly afflicted. They’re making their “I love you so much sweetie let me take care of you forever and _ever_ ” face again.

“Of course we will,” I say. Jun nods in agreement. Lee smiles brightly at us and excuses himself to the front of the classroom, where Mizuki hands him a boxed lunch. I didn’t actually know you could get those from teachers. Huh. Weird.

Jun stands up. Their mushy face has been replaced with their regular face, which isn’t actually any less mushy. “Come on then. Do we have food?”

I nod slowly. “I think so. Where's Naruto's classroom?”

“Same place it was last time, probably,” Jun says, coming closer and holding a hand out to help me up. I stick my tongue out at them and stand up on my own. Jun rolls their eyes. “C’mon, I think I remember where it was.”

I nod and grab their hand angstily. “Lead the way, loser.”

“On it, buttface,” Jun replies. We walk down a few halls and at least two flights of stairs before Jun pokes their head into a random classroom. “Naruto!” they call out. “We’ve got some stuff to talk to you about! Oh—Iruka-sensei, can we come in?”

“Don’t see why not,” the man says good-naturedly. I finally deign to step into the classroom alongside Jun and grace these kids with my awesome presence. Tiny babies. So tiny. They're like . . . seven.

I look away and look for Naruto.

He's sitting in the corner in the back of the room, staring at us, seemingly astounded, with nothing on his desk. Not even a pencil. I bite back a frown and grin at him. “Hey there, kiddo! We got lots to talk about. Oh, Jun, the lunches are in your bag, get them out please?” Jun pulls out the boxes from their bag and set them all out on the desk in front of Naruto. I grin. “Thanks! Hey, Naruto, how do you feel about that teacher we were with earlier?” I ask, getting straight to the point.

Naruto frowns. “I mean, he’s always nice to me, I guess, but he never talks to me unless other people are there.”

From the corner of my eye, I can see Jun’s hand spasm.

“That's nice,” I say. “He's a little bitch and we're going to prank him. You in?”

Naruto blinks. “What. Really? I thought he was nice?”

“Trust me, he's our teacher. He's awful.”

“Oh, okay. Uh—”

“Hey! Whatcha talkin’ ‘bout?” a certain Inuzuka boy interrupts. “I can smell dumbasses being super dumb. You're pranking your teacher? Lame. Prank _all_ the teachers, Yoko, obviously.”

I jump, turning around to smack him. Unexpected visitors get smacked, that's the rule. “Shit, what the hell dude? Don't sneak up on us like that! You’re such a loser, goddamnit, Kiba.”

“Shouldn't you still be in the hospital?” Kiba asks, ignoring me.

“Shut up. Don't tell people that. I certainly did not have a heart attack, hospitals who? I don't know what you mean . . . if you don't tell anyone I buy you—uh, what do you like? Um, a new jacket. With the money I stole from my mom's gambling savings.”

“Sounds good. So, tell me about this Mizuki guy?” Kiba says, sliding a juice box to each of us. Where did he even get those? What?

“We never said his name,” I note, before changing the topic. “He _hates_ us, hates Naruto, hates Iruka-sensei—he's like, super jealous for some reason? And I don't know why he hates us or Naruto, but he tried to fucking convince us Naruto was trash, like, the fuck bitch? Go fuck yourself,” I say, waving my hands around aggressively. Jun gives me a look. I clear my throat. “So we're going to prank him.”

Kiba nods. Naruto copies him.

Jun apparently wants to explain more. “He tried to tell us to stay away from Naruto, but he wouldn’t tell us why. He seems to want to put on a nice facade every time he’s around you, but it’s not working very well. Now—any ideas?”

“Can we take the screws outta his chair and put gum in his shoes?” Kiba asks. “He's an asshole. I want him to _suffer_ —”

“Kiba,” Iruka-sensei says, coming up to our table, “stop threatening my colleagues. Being a teacher doesn't make him an asshole—”

“It doesn't?” I ask. “I totally thought it did. The only not shitty teacher I've ever met is you, although you really can't be all that perfect if half your students still haven't learned to read . . . ”

Jun chokes on their food. “ _Yoko_!”

I shrug, staring Iruka-sensei in the eyes as I eat. He looks dumbfounded. Until he decides to speak.

“Who doesn't know how to read?” he asks.

I smile. Got him. “Well, Naruto, Kiba, that Ami girl, that entire group of orphans over there, and Tobio only _barely_ know how to read."

He looks thoughtful for a moment, and then he announces that lunch is almost over and we should head back to our classroom. I'm grinning victoriously the entire way back, Jun chastising me for my reckless behaviour as we go, although they're smiling too.

Guess that's one win.

[ Inuzuka Yoko ]

“Sorry,” Naruto says, frowning. “The old man's bringing my monthly allowance and I have to be home, y’know, or else he’ll get worried. We can hang out more tomorrow though! Right?”

“Yeah,” I say, smiling. He’s such a cute kid. “We will. See ya! Good luck!”

“Bye!” Jun says, waving as Naruto sprints home. “How much you think he gets paid?”

“Not enough,” I answer, still smiling and waving.

“Probably not.” Jun drops their hand. “Back to yours, or my house, or should we get food or something?”

“Um, food and then yours. I guess?” I drop my arm, as well as my smile, and grab Jun's hand. “Lead the way.”

Jun smiles. “Gotcha.”

It's not five minutes later when I see a little girl, probably three years old, accompanied by a little boy who looks five and another boy my age. Jun is talking. I don't hear them. I keep staring.

“Yoko?” I hear. I realize I've stopped walking. I ignore the words. I keep staring. I inhale sharply.

“I didn't get to see him turn eight,” I say. And suddenly I'm gasping, grabbing at my throat, trying to make my airway _bigger_ , somehow, trying to _breathe I need to—I need—_

“Oh my _god_ , I didn't even get to see him turn _eight_ , he didn't even—I wasn't— _I wasn't even_ —I didn't get to meet—” I gasp again, snatching Jun's hand. “We didn't even _meet_ fucking— _any of them_ , we—I— _oh my god I wasn't even eighteen yet_ —”

“Yoko?” Jun sounds a little more frantic this time, clutching my hand just as hard as I’m holding theirs. “You’re—oh, shit. Okay, I’m gonna take us both somewhere with less people, okay? It’s going to be okay, just follow me. That’s it, you’re doing great, come on.”

I barely register Jun dragging me away to a training ground, barely register the people staring at us—staring at a little girl crying and another child attempting to console her as they drag her away—I barely register walking right past Sasuke, being within four feet of him, him turning ghostly white as he looks at me and—

I don't even realize I'm crying and hyperventilating and trying to smack Jun away until their arms are wrapped tight around me and they're whispering something— _something_ —and my sobs have quieted to whimpers and, “I wanna go back, Teddy, I just wanna go _back_.”

And I fall asleep in the dirt while Jun runs their hand through my hair, pulling it away from my eyes, and tells me everything will be okay.

I don't know if I believe them.

[ Nara ??? ]

Yoko sleeps at my house tonight.

I try not to think about her breakdown. I try not to think about the emotions welling up under my skin, the ones that tell me I didn’t get to do anything I wanted to do, the ones that tell me I had friends and loved ones and I’m never going to get that back. I breathe out through my nose heavily and rub at my face with one hand.

Sasuke had been there. He’d watched me drag Yoko away crying and kicking.

I’ve always been good at pushing my feelings away and changing the topic, so that’s exactly what I do.

Nara Jun is my name now, but I’m not even sure about that anymore. Yoko and I have been here for just over a day, but it feels like it’s been forever. Some part of me wants this to be a dream—another part of me knows it’s not, and that part is the part who’d been excited and giddy and had wanted to fix things. Nara Jun is my name.

It doesn’t have to be, though.

I let that discomfort rise, rise, rise, until my skin crawls and I’m only Nara. Nara I can keep—I’m okay with Nara. It’s my—their—clan, where I get my powers, and even then a last name isn’t like a given name. Jun is me, the old me. But it doesn’t have to stay like that. I wasn’t always Theodore either—I _chose_ that name, something that matched up with my identity. Maybe I can choose a name here.

Yoko’s sleeping already, but Hirotaka probably isn’t. I swing my legs over the edge of my bed and quietly sneak out of the room, hoping Yoko’s exhausted enough from today’s events that she won’t wake up anytime soon.

I find Hirotaka in the living room nursing a glass of tea. I tell myself my name is Nara Jun, but it doesn’t _have_ to be.

“Dad?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?” he asks, pausing mid-sip and setting his glass down. “Yoko doing okay? Looks like she had a pretty rough day.”

“Um, yeah. That’s not what I wanted to talk about, actually,” I say. I pause, trying to formulate the proper words in my head. “Um—it’s about what I told you at the hospital. About being gender nonbinary?”

“Oh,” Hirotaka says. “Well—do you . . . do you need to talk about something specific? I’m not sure how much I can help you.”

“No, you can definitely help me with this. It’s about changing m-my name,” I say, hoping I’m not showing how nervous I really am.

“Of course,” Hirotaka says. “I—you know, Jun isn’t really a girl’s name or boy’s name, if that’s what might be bothering you.”

“I know. I just can’t—I can’t really . . . I don’t really like it. I’m sorry,” I say lamely. “I know you really liked the name when you picked it out for me. But—”

“No, no,” Hirotaka interrupts, looking at me seriously. “I want you to be happy. If you want a different name, I’m happy to help you think one up. I actually have a baby naming book around here somewhere. We kept it. Do you want to look through it?”

“That, uh, depends. On whether it’s a boy’s one,” I tell him.

“Oh. Ohh. Okay. I gotcha. You up for a late night shopping trip?” Hirotaka asks, falling into his usual chill dad attitude.

“Heck yeah,” I say. I’m really glad this guy is my dad. “Let me change out of my pajamas first, though.”

Five minutes later, I’m back in the living room. “All ready to go?” Hirotaka asks me. I nod. “Awesome.”

We stroll toward the shopping district. It’s a nice night, although the heat is starting to get to me. Damn you, end-of-summer weather. Damn you! As soon as we walk into a civilian bookstore, though, I am freed of my mighty burden. “Finally. Can we stay in here forever?” I plead.

“We’ll be home soon enough,” Hirotaka says, rolling his eyes expertly. If only I had that level of skill . . .

“Okay, fine. Oh! Baby-naming books are right here.” I pluck one labelled “for boys” off the shelf and hand it to Hirotaka, who smiles obligingly. We both amble in typical Nara fashion over to the counter. Hirotaka pays for the book and we walk home as quickly as our lazy selves will let us. I just about jump on it as soon as we get home. I’m excited—no, that’s an understatement. I am _ecstatic._ “Come on, H—dad! Let’s do this! New name!”

“Yeah, yeah, as long as you calm down,” Hirotaka says, ruffling my hair. I grumble at him but let him do what he wants. I guess it’s pretty easy to fall into this kind of parent-child routine. And it feels nice. I feel emotionally fulfilled. “Do you have any idea of what you want your name to be?”

“I—” I come up short. Oh, shit. I hadn’t even begun to think about anything. “Maybe we should just . . . look through the whole book pretty please I promise I’ll never ever bother you again if we can go through th—”

“I said calm down,” Hirotaka says. He sounds like he’s barely keeping a laugh out of his voice and I glare at him accusingly. “I was probably going to start from page one anyway.”

“Wait, no. I don’t want a name that starts with A,” I state.

“Whaaat? But—but there’s all kinds of cool names that start with A . . . like Akito! Akito’s such a cute name! That’s an A name! You’re really going to give that up?” Hirotaka asks, eyes widening comically.

“If this is related to your complaining about how you always wanted to be called Akito . . . ” I warn, pulling from what scant memories I have to fuel the conversation. The more I talk, the more I seem to remember things—great. And I’m not being sarcastic.

“Okay, alright, I’m done teasing,” Hirotaka promises.

“Good. Now let’s start on names that begin with E. Or D. I don’t really care which.”

“Mhm.”

I’m pretty sure neither of us get a wink of sleep that night.

[ Nara Seigen ]

It’s my name now. I’m Nara Seigen and I _like_ it. Hirotaka is going to take care of the paperwork tomorrow, and Chiyo, who went out on a long-term mission this morning, is going to see what she can do to get my gender changed on my other paperwork—my shinobi file, all that jazz. My parents are great. Like, _really_ great. I’ve been thinking about it all morning, but right now I’m especially glad I got stuck with these two, even though I’m not _really_ their child and I’m just lying to them about nope nope not going there.

Ugh.

My good mood effectively ruined for the morning, I stomp upstairs and into my room like a total drama king and flop down onto my bed.

“Mmrrghh,” Yoko groans.

“About time,” I say into my pillow. “My name’s Seigen now, by the way.”

She opens her eyes and blinks. “Mkay. I like that. I'm g’nna sleep now. Night.” She yawns and pulls me over and into a hug.

I guess I’m trapped now. I wait for a few minutes, which actually means half an hour, and then I check the clock on the nightstand. “It’s eight in the morning,” I inform her, hoping she’ll see sense and wake up. Ew, since when am I a morning person? It doesn’t seem very Nara-like.

“No school today?” she asks, sitting up suddenly. I'm suddenly hit with the sense that I had no idea how cold it was until Yoko had pulled away from me. Goddamnit.

“There is school today and it starts in half an hour,” I say. Holy fuck. _Holy fuck._ “There’s school today! Get UP, Yoko!”

“Hey! I already sat up, you're the one still laying down!”

“Look, I’ve been up literally all night trying to decide on a name so you can take your—”

“That's stupid! Sleep more!”

“ _That’s_ stupid. Okay, I’m up, holy fuck here catch these clothes, I’m going to go get changed.” I quickly throw some ninja—pre-ninja?—wear at her, grab a bundle of clothes for myself, and race down the hall and into the bathroom to get changed. I manage to complete most of my morning routine in record time, and so does Yoko.

When we both eventually appear downstairs, it’s to the discovery of rice and soup already on the table. Hirotaka’s sitting there with his own breakfast looking extremely judgemental of both of us.

“Rice!” Yoko exclaims, ignoring his stares. I roll my eyes, hoping I can reach even half the percentage of sarcasm and doneness Hirotaka can, and take a seat across from Yoko.

“Thanks for making breakfast,” I say, and then, “and sorry again about yesterday. Some stuff happened at school.”

He doesn’t call me out on what I’m sure he recognizes as a lie, so I drop the subject. I hope I don’t have to explain anything to him—I was never a good liar as Theodore, and I doubt my being a Nara is going to change that. “I’m glad it seems to be better now,” he says simply.

Now that everything concerning anything even remotely important has been taken care of, I set my mind to the current task: eating. I devour my food like a champ and a minute later my bowl is empty and I have a seriously bad case of the hiccups. I guess this is my karma for always eating like a vacuum or something. I’m not really clear on the rules of divine retribution.

I let out an awful burp. I’m such a horrible human.

“Nice,” Hirotaka says, and then he belches even _louder_ than me.

“Okay, gross,” I say. “Only _I’m_ allowed to have natural bodily functions. Excuse you.”

Yoko laughs. “Mmhm. Of course. Whatever you say.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “If you even _think_ about burping right now in _my_ house—”

“Not actually your house,” Hirotaka says, “but go on.”

“Ah . . . nevermind,” I say, backtracking quickly. Damnit! I _hate_ the “not your house” argument.

“Anyway, I won't.” Yoko shrugs. “I’m a—” she snickers. “— _classy_ human being, y'know?”

“I hate you so much,” I say, letting my head flop down onto the table. “That was horrible.”

“What?” Hirotaka asks. “I don’t get it. What does that mean?”

“It’s an inside joke we have,” I explain. How does one explain screen names for fanfiction to someone who doesn’t even know what fanfiction is? I have an answer for you: you don’t.

Yoko laughs a stereotypical Inuzuka laugh and shrugs again. “Sure it is.”

I check the clock again. “We can probably make it on time if we really hurry with putting our stuff together. Luckily for _you,_ I always have a few extra weapons pouches packed up. And you left your bag in the classroom yesterday, so.”

“Oh, do you?” Yoko asks with a smile, clearly attempting to make some sort of joke.

“What are you getting at?” I ask suspiciously, standing up to collect all three of our bowls and heading to the kitchen with them. “Well—it doesn’t matter, probably, unless it does in which case you should tell me right now. But we can talk on the way there. Dad, can you please pack something up for me and Yoko to eat?”

“Got it,” Hirotaka says. I see him stand up and start toward the kitchen. Great.

I quickly scurry up the stairs and grab my bag, strap my kunai pouch to my right thigh, and grab an extra for Yoko. I quickly rifle through the contents of my bag to make sure everything I need is in there, and satisfied with what I find, I hurry back down and lob the kunai pouch at Yoko. She catches it effortlessly and straps it to her left leg.

Hirotaka comes out of the kitchen with two fabric-wrapped boxes in his hand. I quickly swipe them from him, thank him for the lunches, and drag Yoko out the door. “We’re meeting Naruto _at_ the academy, right?” I ask. what happens this scene

“Probably,” she says, still smiling—has she been smiling like that this whole time? That’s kind of unsettling.

“Great,” I say. “And we’re off.”

[ Inuzuka Yoko ]

Two weeks go by and it’s pretty much same old, same old: sleepovers with Naruto are had, dogs are avoided, war councils involving Kiba and Naruto are called, Mizuki is pranked, detentions are served, Seigen tries to approach Sasuke and is instantly shut down, and legal names are changed, until Seigen, that absolute _sap,_ decides it’s time to probably make friends with Sakura, who Naruto _allegedly_ doesn’t have a crush on yet, if late-night conversations over instant ramen are to be believed. She’s only “super super pretty” and “really nice” right now. Not “the love of my life.”

“So,” Seigen starts, “do you know if Sakura’s still friends with Ino around this point in the timeline?”

We’re both at Seigen’s house because my mom and her dog are at home right now. Seigen’s mom is downstairs doing—something—and their dad’s on gate duty. We’re specifically in Seigen’s room, munching on chips and plotting out things to do for the near future. We’ve both come up blank—it’s not like we can do that much to shift the course of the world, seeing as how we’re not even genin yet.

“Uh,” I say, setting down my chip. “They are. I don't think they stop until, like? Near the end of the academy? Maybe earlier.”

Seigen sighs and stuffs a handful of chips into their mouth. “Okay. It did happen near the end of the academy, yeah, I think Sakura was like—ten, actually? She seemed pretty young when the whole Sasuke thing started. Or, unless Kishi fucked up drawing ages— _which_ he is known to do—they were actually younger. Remember that panel where he drew Kakashi getting his chūnin license and he was supposed to be _six?_ Yeah, no. That was not a six-year-old.”

I snort. “Oh, no, it _totally_ was. Definitely.”

Seigen snorts. “Yep. Definitely nothing wrong with that image. I was completely mistaken.”

“Yep. A hundred percent,” I say.

“So I don’t wanna just tell Sakura to _not_ have a crush on Sasuke. That seems kind of mean, yeah? And we're going to make friends with Sasuke, right?” Seigen asks.

“Yeah.”

“Cool. And, like, Sakura? She’s seven, let her live. Let her have crushes.”

“ _Honestly_.” I sigh.

“And we aren’t going to stop Naruto from having a crush on Sakura. We just need to teach him what’s okay to do and what isn’t—like asking someone out every day after repeatedly being rejected? I like his personality but he’s just . . . so determined. And that ends badly a lot of the time,” Seigen says.

“Speaking of determined,” I say, clearing my throat pointedly.

“Yeah?” Seigen asks, focusing on me.

“Guess who we sit next to in class?” I ask.

“Oh, shit,” Seigen says, dropping a chip. “You’re right. How could we forget about Lee? I love him so much!”

I laugh. “He's great. Speaking of great! Sorry for the topic change but oh my god, dude, I met Tenten in the kunoichi classes how the fuck is an eight year old this badass? Holy shit,” I say.

“Tenten! Her! I always seriously looked up to her. She’s—we can make friends with her too, right? It won’t be weird? I mean, she’s in our grade level. But wait, Lee,” Seigen says, obviously torn between which one they want to talk about.

“All! Neji too, by the way, he's there too.”

“He’s . . . he’s emo now though,” Seigen complains.

“So am I.”

“But he’s, like, _super_ emo. Angry emo. That’s actually really sad. Why is the whole of Team Gai so loveable? And why do they have tragic backstories? I mean, Tenten’s is kind of undervalued next to the—aw, dangit, they’re real people now. Should I be analyzing everything? Is that weird?” Seigen asks, everything coming out in a rush.

“You're a Nara,” I say simply. “You're _supposed_ to be weird and analytical.”

“I hate you,” Seigen says, which is Seigen-speak for, “I love you and you’re right about everything.”

“Love you too,” I say cheekily.

Seigen groans. “How’d I know you were going to say that?”

“Maybe because you keep setting yourself up for it and won’t stop,” I suggest, pausing my chip-eating to take a lengthy swig of water. I’m kind of—okay, I’m really—bitter that there’s no soda or juice or anything here. Only water and milk. Gross.

Seigen sighs theatrically, but shakes their head soon enough and appears to refocus. “Okay. Actually, though. I know everyone talks about how Naruto was bullied all his life and stuff, but didn’t Lee go through a lot of that stuff too? He always looks so darn _happy_ when we sit next to him—and I mean, just because he did eventually get much better circumstances and had a support system doesn’t just cancel out the fact that people treated him shitty.”

“Oh,” I laugh humorlessly. “Have I got a story for you. We have separate physical education classes, right? And Lee’s in my class. Wanna know what happened during sprints yesterday?”

“I don’t, actually, but I also do. So yes. Go ahead,” Seigen says, waving their hand at me to continue.

“He was in last place. And everyone started laughing, and tripping him, and making fun of him, and Mizuki pretended it wasn't even happening.”

Seigen takes a deep breath. “What the _fuck._ No, what the _everloving fuck._ What is _wrong_ with him? I hate Mizuki so—god, he’s so horrible. I just—kids don’t deserve to be bullied. What the _fuck what the fuck._ I know ninja are supposed to have thicker skin or whatever but that’s bullshit. These kids aren’t even _nine_ yet. They can’t have a thicker skin! They don’t _know_ better. God, I—I’m sorry I’m so heated I’m just so _pissed._ ” Seigen clenches and unclenches their fists, visibly trying to calm down.

“Nah, mood, it's shitty.” I grab a chip.

“Okay,” Seigen says. “Battle plan. Tomorrow is—is tomorrow a kunoichi classes day?”,

“Uh, maybe? My schedule’s in my bag.”

Seigen grabs my bag and pulls out a sheet of paper after a few seconds of searching. “Yeah, no, tomorrow’s Wednesday. Extended physical education for everyone, not just the guys and me this time. So we can start making friends with Lee soon, and we can spend lunch breaks and a bunch of time outside school with Naruto. And we can introduce him to Lee. I think they’d be good friends. We can also start hanging out with Sakura. Whichever we feel like that day, we start making friends with. That’s good, right?”

“Mhm,” I say, rolling over onto my stomach and reaching out for another bag of chips. “So basically for the next few years we just need to make friends with everyone in existence who’s even slightly relevant to the plot?”

“Ummm . . . Yeah. That’s the plan until we make genin, I think. But that’s going to be so _boring,_ ” Seigen says. “We should do extra training and get ahead of the group and start doing things. I mean, we have—we have _all_ the knowledge. Like, we are probably the most valuable people in the entire universe right now and nobody knows it. Oh, haha. Wow. That’s kind of a lot to take in.”

“Kakuzu would pay so fucking much for all the info we have,” I say.

“Oh my god he _would,_ ” Seigen agrees. “Let’s not contact him, though. You know. For our general safety. I like being alive.”

“What a fuckin’ coincidence! Me too!” I say, grinning at Seigen.

They laugh and roll their eyes. “Yeah, whatever. I bet you don’t enjoy being alive _nearly_ as much as I do. Like . . . I don’t even know.”

“Probably not,” I agree. “Hey, let's steal some chakra weight seal fuckin’ things I do _not_ know what they're called but I'm sure you know what I mean, right?”

“ _What?_ ” Seigen looks confused and also mildly scandalized. “What are you talking about?”

“Damn,” I say. “Y’know, seals that get heavier as we put chakra in them? To train with?”

“Ohh. Okay, those things. Why would we need to train with those though? Wouldn’t it be a better idea to just get lightweight ones?” Seigen asks.

“No. We need these,” I say, refusing to explain that I want super muscles.

“ . . . Okay,” Seigen says dubiously, and then they brighten up. “Actually, you’re right. They double as an exercise to expand chakra reserves _and_ as weights for us to train with. And maybe we can even help Lee out with some stuff! The Lee I remember wasn’t so . . . well, weak. It’d be nice to start him off on a path he can actually go down, right?”

I nod. “Why don't we buy candy tomorrow? I'm really in the mood for candy, can we get candy? Sour candy?"

“Yeah, of course! Hirotaka gave me some spending money yesterday, it was his change from the groceries. He said it’d be enough to get myself a treat or something. Isn’t he so nice?” Seigen asks, leaning over and taking a handful of coins and a few ryo notes out of a pocket in their bag.

“Best dad, ten outta ten. Even better than _while you were holed away in your head_ Sakumo.”

“Oh my god,” Seigen says, facepalming. “We lost like, _every single fic_ we ever wrote. Holy fuck and now I’d feel weird writing fic because _I actually know these people now._ Anyway . . . it’s not too late. We could probably get candy right now, if you wanted. These chips are really _really_ salty and I need something to counteract it.”

I go silent, suddenly, and then I start tearing up. “ _Teddy_ , they don't have gatorade here!”

Seigen gasps. “No! That’s awful! Guess we’ll have to settle, huh? Wonder if they have anything even close to . . . nah, probably not. I guess life sucks forever now. Let’s go buy candy.”

“I’m really just gonna die now, dude, I literally survived off of gatorade, I’m really just gonna die living here. Really.”

Seigen makes a noise somewhere in between distressed and unimpressed. “You’re not gonna die, seriously.” They stand up and pocket their money, holding a hand out for me to grab.

“I am!” I sigh and grab their hand. “Can you carry me.”

Seigen rolls their eyes but nods, turning around and motioning for me to climb onto them, piggy-back style. I whoop victoriously and clamber onto their back. They’re so tiny. I’m glad their size doesn’t stop them from carrying me, or else I actually might really die and _no_ that was not an exaggeration.

“Candy, here we come! Or something like that,” Seigen says. They're so weird. Obviously the candy's coming to _us_ , clearly. Really. I tell them as much and they laugh. “Okay. Us, here candy comes! Let’s go.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure if this is relevant to warnings? but uh there's a lot of anxiety and stuff in this chapter

[ Inuzuka Yoko ]

 

“Come on, Yoko, if we don’t go home right away Naruto’s gonna ambush us,” Seigen says.

 

I’m crouched by the side of the dirt road petting a small black cat. Seigen gave up on petting the kitten a while ago. We’ve been here for about half an hour and I show absolutely no signs of getting up.

 

“ . . . Fine. You’ve got me. Just pick up the cat already so we can go home!”

 

“Yes!” I cheer, carefully scooping the small cat into my arms. She looks happy enough to be there. “Now, let’s just—“

 

“Hey!” I hear someone call out from behind us. We stop and turn around. It’s Sasuke.

 

“—oh.”

 

“Uh, hi, Sasuke,” Seigen says awkwardly. “How are you? What’s going on? How’s life?”

 

He glaring at us, at Seigen. Maybe they shouldn’t have asked so many questions. “That doesn’t matter,” he says. He looks really upset. Really nervous. “What I want to know is what happened to—to you. Both of you. What happened? Why did you need to drag her—“ He points at me. “—away? Who’d you lose—did someone die?”

 

Ah. That. I guess it figures Sasuke would latch on since he probably doesn’t know anyone else who’s lost people the way he has and if he’d seen me, like, breaking down in public, yelling about—about losing someone . . . well, that explains it, and I feel really bad that he saw it, but. But we can’t just tell him we died and were reincarnated into these kids’ bodies, can we? I mean, we can—we can tell him I lost people, but—

 

“Why should we tell you?” Seigen asks him. “How do we know you’re not just gonna go off and blab to everyone? How do we know you can keep your mouth shut?”

 

Oh, shit. They’re doing the thing—the thing they do where they don’t _realize_ they’re pissing people off but they are. Why are they going on like this anyway? It was just a panic attack!

 

“I won’t!” Sasuke says. He’s offended now, face pinched up instead of stone-hard, and that’s understandable. I’d be upset too—I’ve always been easy to offend. “I promise.”

 

Seigen gives him a skeptical look.

 

“Stop teasing him,” I say, rolling my eyes and setting the cat down. It promptly rubs its head against my shins. “Worst case is he doesn’t believe us; just tell him. It’s not really a secret.”

 

“I guess you’re right,” Seigen says. “Go ahead and tell him, then.”

 

I nod and start talking, “So, um, what you saw was me having a panic attack—well, I suppose the technical term is an anxiety attack, but people are more familiar with panic attack. Anyway, I have this half-sister. She had a kid when she was seventeen, and—twins almost two years ago. Recently, I got news that the four of them and her husband died in a bandit attack, which is rather common in the forest where they live. The anxiety attack happened four or five days after I found out, because I only just then processed what had happened. Seigen knew what was going on and knew it was dangerous for me to be panicking in public, so they took me away and tried to console me.”

 

“And that’s what happened.”

 

Sasuke stares at me. “I’m sorry.” He doesn’t seem very sorry, but he fidgets in his spot. Maybe uncomfortable with the topic?

 

“Nah, don’t be,” I say anyway. “It wasn’t your fault. I’m gonna be okay. I just really loved my niece and nephews, and my sister. I don’t know, I’ll miss them.”

 

Sasuke nods. “That—that’s it? I thought there’d be a lot more, ‘cause of how your friend was talking about it.”

 

I shake my head. “That’s all, Seigen’s just being annoying about secrecy because they’re a weirdo,” I tease.

 

He nods again while Seigen glares at me.

 

“Okay. Um. Sorry for your, uh, loss.”

 

“You too,” I say.

 

Sasuke hums quietly and walks away without another word. I turn to Seigen with a glare.

 

“What’s with all the secrecy?” I ask. “It was just a panic attack, there are lots of perfectly okay reasons for that that don’t require secrecy!”

 

“I don’t know! I kinda assumed we’d just tell him!”

 

“Why would you assume that? Why would I ever tell someone about that kind of thing?” I ask, exasperated.

 

“I don’t know!” Seigen yells, looking a bit cornered.

 

I sigh, taking a step back. “Let’s just go home. I gotta feed this little kitty.”

 

Seigen nods, and we turn to walk in opposite directions.

 

I watch them turn and I wonder.

  


[ — ]

  


“What the fuck does this even mean?” I ask, pointing at the math homework we are given the next day at school. The teachers and students are mostly gone, and we’re doing homework.

 

Seigen sighs, but helps me. Or tries to—I don’t understand a word they’re saying and give up on the question after twenty minutes of having it painstakingly explained to me.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just. I don’t understand. It’s hard and I don’t like it—anyone that expects me to understand might just have to give up on me. I’m hopeless.”

 

I don’t know why I’m being so dramatic—I would’ve understood before. But now, now I feel like my brain is a hundred times too small and my heart is a thousand times too big and fast.

 

I feel like a mouse being cornered by a cat. My chest feels tight, my heart ready to burst, and my stomach feels no different. Seigen is being distant. I don’t like it and I don’t get it.

 

“Yeah, whatever, it’s. Whatever.” Seigen sighs, turning back to their own work.

 

That worked out _fantastically_.

 

Someone interrupts the silence a couple minutes later, “You know, you two work a lot harder than one would expect an Inuzuka and a Nara to work. Aren’t you supposed to be hyper, Inuzuka? And you, Nara, aren’t you supposed to be a lazy bum with no motivation?”

 

I look up, staring at the girl. I try not to show my surprise—we left the door wide open, it’s completely understandable for someone to walk in without me noticing.

 

“Yeah,” I answer her, not processing the face I’m looking at, “I’m really bad at fitting into stereotypes. I hate dogs and meat makes me sick. What a bad Inuzuka I am.”

 

“I’m Tenten,” she introduces herself with a laugh.

 

_Oh my fucking shit, I’m talking to Tenten._

 

I smile. “What’s up?”

 

“Oh, I was just looking for the practice weapons so I could practice my aim! Wanna hang out with me while I train?”

 

“Yeah!” I exclaim excitedly.

 

“Sorry,” Seigen says, “I have plans. Need to get home soon.”

 

“Oh, wait, what do you mean? You said today was free—that’s why we’re doing homework . . . “

 

“I had some time,” Seigen says, “but my dad needs me home tonight to help with, uh, unpacking boxes.”

 

“Oh! I thought—never mind, have fun!”

 

They’re done with unpacking things though? What? Seigen, what?

 

“Yeah, you too. See you.” Seigen stands and leaves with their things.

 

I stare at the door where they were, and I stare, and stare, and stare. I bite my lip, glance at my homework, and sigh. I wonder what’s going on with them lately. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder.

 

Tenten puts a hand on my shoulder. “You good?”

 

If I picked up a weapon now I would most likely chuck it at a building and wreak general havoc, but Tenten doesn’t have to know that. “How about we just hang out like you asked.”

 

“Not until you tell me what’s up. You two used to be best friends, why are you acting so different today? I won’t tell anyone, I’m not a gossip. I promise,” Tenten says, a hand over her heart. “And then we can hang out.”

 

“I mean, it’s nothing really . . . um, they’ve just been . . . kind of passive-aggressive, lately. Like I said, It’s not really that big a deal.”

 

“Oh man,” Tenten says. “That really sucks. I wonder why? Um, wanna punch out your frustrations? We can spar!”

 

I grin. “Sounds good.”

  


[ — ]

  


The very next day, after school, Seigen and I are walking to Naruto’s house—my kitten is with us too, wrapping her tail around my ankle whenever we stop for a moment. Seigen is strangely silent. My head is spinning with thoughts, my heart is out of control. I feel nauseous. I have a headache. Why are they acting strange? Why is Seigen acting so weird?

 

“We’re going to help Naruto clean his apartment today,” Seigen announces.

 

I snap my head to look at them. They did not just say that. They did not just tell me I’m cleaning today, unwillingly. I like cleaning, okay? I love cleaning, even! I hate being told what to do. Seigen fucking knows this. Seigen knows how much I hate being told what to do. What the fuck? This is so sudden, too?

 

“Right, fine, whatever,” I mumble. “You’ll do the sweeping.”

 

If you’re going to tell me what to do, I’m going to tell you what to do. What the fuck, Seigen.

 

“Okay. What are you gonna—”

 

“I’ll deal with trash, clothes, and organizing. You can sweep, mop, and do dishes. We’ll make Naruto help us both in turn. Oh, he can dust! I think he’d like that.”

 

Seigen nods, and we’re silent. My kitten rubs her head against my leg and suddenly starts climbing my clothes to sit on my shoulder. She meows and I pet her.

 

I wonder if Seigen’s going to stop talking to me. I wonder if they’re going to leave me all alone in this world. Maybe we’ll part ways and just—just. Maybe we’ll become genin someday and they’ll die, and I’ll never know because I—because—

 

“Yoko?” Seigen asks, hardly sparing me a glance. “Are you okay?”

 

“Mhmm! Yeah, I’m great!”

 

Why aren’t they _looking at me_?

 

“ . . . I can feel your chakra. You’re panicking about something.”

 

“I know. Just pretend,” I say, grinning like an Inuzuka should while the kitten starts to purr. “Gotta hang out with Naruto.”

 

Seigen glances away, and the silence returns for the rest of the walk.

  


[ — ]

  


Never has the walk to Naruto’s place lasted this long, but with Seigen’s suffocating presence and the ever-present anxiety of possibly dying alone now, the distance from the academy to Naruto’s apartment might as well have been twice the length of the village.

 

With false cheer, I set the kitten on the ground and bound up to the door.

 

“Naruto!” I shout with a grin wide and toothy enough to pass by anyone who wasn’t either part of my clan or a chakra sensor. Naruto is neither.

 

Or maybe he is? He always seemed to pick up on the way people felt, which was why he never gave up on Sasuke in the first place. Was that a chakra thing? Or just an empath thing?

 

“Yoko! Seigen! What’s up? C’mon, c’mon, get inside!” Naruto rushes us. He’s adorable, in his stupid frog patterned pajamas with his messy hair. What a loser, just changing into pajamas right after getting home! I love him. Precious child. He’s so short!

 

“Coming, coming!” I laugh. “Seigen says we’re going to be cleaning today, hmm? How about for now we leave them to do the dishes while we go shopping for cleaning supplies?”

 

“Okay! I’ll get dressed!” Naruto runs off the moment we manage to get inside.

 

“What’d you say that for?” Seigen asks. “Why do I have to do dishes and you guys get to go buy stuff? Christ, Yoko.”

 

“Leave us be, Seigen. He doesn’t have any of the things we need to clean his house. I bet he doesn’t even have trash bags,” I tell them. I’m probably being borderline aggressive, but. Well. So is Seigen.

 

“Whatever. Hurry back, I don’t take six hours to wash dishes like you do.” Seigen pushes the hair out of their eyes and walks to the sink.

 

“Wow, call me out,” I say, only half faking the offended tone.

 

“Come onnnnn!” Naruto shouts, running out of his bedroom fully dressed.

 

“Money,” I remind him with a smile. “I’m not paying for _all_ of this. It won’t be too expensive and I won’t make you go broke, I promise.”

 

Naruto freezes. He groans, rushing back to his bedroom and coming back a minute later with a stuffed frog-shaped wallet. “I got lots, I’m good at saving, but you better not make us spend too much!”

 

“I won’t, promise!”

 

“Go on already if you’re gonna shop,” Seigen says snappily.

 

I roll my eyes and drag Naruto out the door.

  


[ — ]

  


“This duster looks so cool!” Naruto shouts in the door. “It’s orange and yellow—that’s so so cool!”

 

“It is!” I agree. “I really, really like it. I’m glad you put it in the basket! It’s soft too—oh!” I stop, caught by the sight of plant seeds on a shelf. “Oh man, we gotta talk, Naruto.”

 

Naruto frowns. “Huh? About what?”

 

“Plants! Do you like ‘em? I noticed you have one in your apartment, is it real or plastic?”

 

“Oh, he’s real!” Naruto says, grinning excitedly. “I love him! Green and cute and Iruka-sensei said it’s a healing plant! Aloe, um . . . “

 

“Aloe vera!” I say. “It’s a really good plant to have for a shinobi, definitely. Since you like plants, I’m gonna buy you plant seeds and you can grow your own food so you don’t have to buy it! That way, you can spend more money on important shinobi things like weapons and good clothes!”

 

“Awesome!” Naruto cheers.

 

We continue to shop, Naruto especially going for the brighter colored objects. It’s kind of hilarious, because it’s almost always neon orange. What a loser. I love him.

 

I hope I make his childhood a little brighter than it was in canon.

  


[ — ]

  


On our way back to his apartment, Naruto and I encounter many cute cats that we stop to pet. My (still unnamed) kitten purrs aggressively each time I pet another cat, and it’s really funny.

 

Naruto loves the cats though, and they love him, so we still stop to pet them.

 

“They’re just so cute!” he cries when I have to drag him away from an especially aggressive stray.

 

“I know, I know.” I sigh. “But that one was literally just about to cut your neck open. Come on, we gotta clean! I’ll race you.”

 

“You’re on!” Naruto yells, and we run to Naruto’s apartment (read: the finishing line) as quick as we’re both able.

 

We tie.

 

“Welcome back to the land of the sane,” Seigen drawls the moment we enter. They’re leaning against the counter—dishes all clean and dry beside them—with an irritated expression on their face. “How was shopping, Naruto?”

 

“It was super fun! Yoko bought me seeds, and a duster, and a broom, and we got soap, and more stuff too!”

 

“That’s nice. Wanna help clean out the bathroom? Yoko will stay here to pick up the dining room and kitchen.”

 

Naruto nods slowly. “I don’t know how to clean the bathroom.”

 

“That’s okay, I’ll teach you,” they say, and they lead Naruto to the bathroom without another word.

 

I don’t respond, my heart racing too hard for me to even consider saying something that isn’t mean. I don’t want to start a fight in front of Naruto. I feel kind of dizzy from the increased heart rate, so I take a deep breath and pull out a trash bag. This is going to be a long, long day.

  


[ — ]

  


“Hey,” Seigen says as they mop the kitchen, “weren’t most of your clothes ruined or too small? You gotta get some new ones, Naruto.”

 

“ . . . I do? Boo. I hate clothes shopping,” the blond complains.

 

“Oh!” I exclaim. “I can take you to a shinobi clothing shop next week and find you something less in-the-way! The color on your jumpsuit is fine, but it’s real baggy and you trip a lot.”

 

“Oh, okay! That’s okay then! Let’s do it!”

 

“What day next week?” Seigen asks. They bump into me while mopping—and I’m pretty sure it’s on purpose because I’m nowhere near where Seigen is trying to mop.

 

I take a deep breath to ground myself. I can’t start a fight in front of Naruto. I won’t start a fight in front of Naruto. This is so weird. We’ve never really seriously fought before, what are we doing!

 

“I only have enough time on Thursday, and I know Naruto has time then too, so then,” I say. I bet Seigen’s going to—

 

“I’m not available then, I’m sorry. You two have fun though! I’ll buy you some tomato and eggplant seeds next time we hang out, Naruto.”

 

Like I was saying. Seigen’s cancelling everything.

 

I think they’re going to break up with me.

 

I bite my lip and pet the kitten that’s residing in my hoodie pocket for comfort.

  


[ — ]

  


When I walk home from Naruto’s house, my way home is in the opposite direction of Seigen’s. Our houses are only two miles apart, and if we wanted to or if Seigen bothered to look at a map, we could walk the same path, I’d just walk a bit further, but we don’t. I don’t. Seigen walks a quick path home, and I walk the street beside it so I can be alone. That’s how it always is.

 

This time, I walk the complete opposite direction. This time, I walk past the hospital and Ichiraku’s and I walk all of the way to the wall of Konoha because my favorite place to be alone is just outside the walls, in Konoha’s forest. It’s so pretty and isolated, it feels like a hidden room in a house. Small and unknown. Unseen. It’s so calm there.

 

I don’t get to be alone, though, because I have to pass by the Uchiha’s land to get to the wall, and I see Sasuke in the compound. Sasuke sees me passing by. He frowns at the sight of me and raises an eyebrow.

 

I wave and walk over. “Hey, Sasuke!”

 

“Hi,” he says, waving a little. He looks uncomfortable talking to me so casually, so I lighten my grin to a regular smile.

 

“How are you?” I ask.

 

“I’m. Um. I’m okay. What about—what about you?” He appears to be trying so hard to be social, and it’s really cute. What a cute kid. I can’t wait to get him therapy.

 

“I’m, well, I’m okay,” I say. “A little stressed. I was just gonna head to the forest to meditate with my cat since that’s part of ninneko training. Wanna join us?”

 

A stilted nod later and the two (three) of us are on our way to a hole in Konoha’s wall just big enough for a little kid to get through easily—maybe an adult, but it would be difficult. In any case, we climb inside and I plop down on the forest floor. I take a deep breath and set my kitten on my lap.

 

“This is really embarrassing,” I say, “but my kitten has no name yet. Any ideas?”

 

Sasuke blinks. “A girl or a boy?”

 

“A girl.”

 

“Well, um, maybe . . . Miko? That’s cute, right?”

 

“Very cute! I like that! Little Miko.”

 

I bet the only girl’s name he knows that isn’t a classmate is his mom’s name. That’s kind of sad.

 

“Do you know why I’m meditating with her?” I ask, ready to teach this kid a lesson on ninken and ninneko.

 

“Not really.” Sasuke shifts around to get comfortable.

 

“Okay, so, basically the first step in how you train a cat to be a ninja cat instead of a regular cat is you gotta help them be more chakra-y!” I begin, already seeing a look of dread on Sasuke’s face.

 

Well, he may not have asked for it, but this is the explanation he’s getting.

 

Well, I hope he’s at least a little thankful for it someday. Maybe he’ll decide to train an animal himself. Maybe he’ll train a bird, or something cool like that. Hmm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! so, decided to kept posting! sorry if seigen suddenly getting distant and kinda aggressive bugs you, but, well. it's my fic. anyway, uh, hope you enjoyed??? and i'll try to get out another chapter soon!! thanks for all the support in the not-chapter comments i cried (not really)


	5. uhhh discontinued???

so uhhhh hi! listen. i said before i was going to continue this. but, well. turns out i maybe kind of lied a little bit? by which i mean, you know, it’s officially discontinued. ofc there’s always a CHance i’ll continue it someday but, like, it’s super unlikely and seriously don’t get your hopes up. all the fics i worked on w my ex have been stressing me out wayyy too much to continue LMAo so! don’t get pissed my dudes! have a fun life! and stuff!

**Author's Note:**

> note: first three chapters of this were written with [falterth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/falterth), but as they left the collab they didn’t wish to keep their name on as author
> 
> if youre lgbt and wanna talk to HUMANS about STUFF in this lgbt naruto discord server tHAT I AM IN,,,,,,[here's the post](http://torisshuno.tumblr.com/post/183616385876/hi-im-giorno-and-this-is-my-lgbt-naruto-server) the creator made about the server+the link!!!!


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